A quick update to say that I’m still here.
I haven’t posted in—wow—six months, due to a number of new changes in my life that are totally positive, but still took some time to adjust to.
That aside, I haven’t actually had all that much to write about lately; my own sexuality has more or less stabilized and nothing is really shaking that boat anymore. Which may sound negative at first, but it’s really not. It just means that I’m more knowledgeable about myself as a person. It does also, however, mean that I’ve less of a need to hash things out in writing in order to figure them out.
I think what’s going to happen now is that I’m going to change tacks a little bit. I do still have the odd observation about gender and sexuality, but more importantly, it’s just dawned on me that I’m in the unique position of being one of few (possibly only, at least in English) people in Hong Kong who is both sexually liberal and a blogger. There are plenty of food and shopping blogs here, but I can’t say I’ve seen any blogs about sexuality. I’ve also connected with the (paltry) “kink scene” here, which has been interesting, so definitely some stuff to say about that.
A random list of scenarios I’ve been fantasizing about lately.
- Eiffel-towering a guy with another guy. Specifically: me and L co-topping another guy. Most likely I’d be pegging him while he’d be blowing L.
- Being fucked by somebody else while on the phone with L, describing what’s going on & letting him listen in. This is all thanks to a Watchmen fanfic I read where Dan fucks Laurie while she’s on the phone with Rorschach.
- Fisting someone. Thanks to the Watchmen kinkmeme, yet again.
- Footfucking someone. After a conversation with M where I was talking about how much I wanted to feel what it is like to penetrate someone with a penis. I posited that maybe footfucking would be the closest I could get since I have very sensitive feet. Probably not true, but the idea continues to pique my interest.
- Shoe/boot worship. C’mon, we all know I already have an excessive love of shoes as it is.
- Bathing & dressing someone else.
- Helping a guy cross-dress, e.g. putting makeup on him or brushing/combing his hair.
- Wearing a spandex head-mask while masturbating. Possibly pushing it up above my nose, and then taking it off altogether towards the end. I can’t really picture myself doing this with another person, both because I’d be too self-conscious, and because another person’s involvement isn’t really necessary. I think this idea sprang into my head due to my recent obsession with Deadpool, but I remember wearing a face-mask once and feeling oddly safe and comforted by having a large part of my face covered. And there’s this piquant sense of mystery about someone engaging in a sexual act while having a part of their face covered, or having their face covered, period.
- Getting fucked while dressed up in full dandy guydrag. For quite a while, I’ve been wanting to fuck with my gender presentation a little bit and purchase a tomboy/masculine wardrobe to go alongside my feminine one. Apparently I tend towards dressy masculine clothing just like I tend towards dressy feminine clothing, because I find myself wanting to dress in suits and ties and waistcoasts and pointy-toed loafers. Obviously, soon afterwards I began wondering about what it would be like to get fucked while dressed like this.1
- Doing vanilla things while I’m tied up. Specifically while in a chest harness, with my arms tied behind my back. I generally like having my upper body tied more than my lower body, probably because I can do more with my hands than with my legs, or because I value being able to manipulate things with my hands more than I value being able to move around from place to place with my legs. I had a little adventure with this at the last play party I went to, where M did some suspension work with me, then left me in the chest harness for a bit. I managed to turn on one of the bathroom taps and take a drink of water; pick up my wine cup, which was on the floor; scale a set of stairs to the upper floor2 where everyone else was socializing; and find someone to help me pour some wine into my cup and put the cup to my lips so I could have a drink. I like being able to see how much I can do on my own without the use of my hands, but I also really like being helped by others. Which brings me to…
- Someone messily feeding me or giving me a drink while I’m tied up. I have this very specific scenario of me in the chest harness, at a play party, and L feeding me a spoonful of a creamy-textured dessert, or giving me a drink of wine/champagne, and “accidentally” smearing some on my cheek or spilling some down my chin. I really dislike messy eating, and I frequently wipe my mouth and hands with my napkin when I eat. But with my hands tied, I’d obviously have to ask L to wipe my face for me. Meanwhile, I would be a little embarrassed at appearing “messy” in front of other people. And then I picture L picking up a napkin, smirking, and then setting the napkin on the table so that I’d have to walk over and awkwardly rub my face against it in order to get clean again.
- Getting fucked/fondled while asleep or getting fucked/fondled awake.
- Coupled with the mask thing above, I’m a hop, skip and a jump away from wanting to get fucked while dressed like Rorschach. And I… don’t really want to mentally go there right now, because… what the fuck, self. [↩]
- This was a terrible idea, and I advise against doing this. I could have seriously hurt myself if I had fallen over. [↩]
Welcome to Pleasurists, a round-up of the adult product and sex toy reviews that came out in the last seven days. If you like what you see and want more of it be sure to follow our RSS Feed and Twitter.
Did you miss Pleasurists 137? Read it all here. Do you have a review for Pleasurists 139? Be sure to read the submission guidelines and then use the submission form to submit before Sunday July 17th @ 11:59pm Pacific.
I have a little confession to make: the Tantus Tease – which is essentially a bullet vibe and a ~3″ silicone sleeve – has joined luxury toys like the Lelo Siri and Nobessence Romp on my “favorite toys” list. Why? Because of one simple reason: the Tease is the pin-pointiest vibrator I own. And pin-point clitoral stimulation is basically guaranteed to get me off.
The Tease doesn’t have any of the amenities of high-end vibes: no locking device, not rechargeable, only one setting/speed. This toy is practically rustic. And yet it knocks my other pin-point vibrators, like the Lelo Mia and the bswish bcurious, out of the water, easily. I think this has something to do with how the tip of the toy isn’t a solid point; it’s more like a miniature feeler. And because the tip is so light, it doesn’t just vibrate – it shivers back and forth very quickly; a sensation I’m finding that I like quite a bit better than straight-up vibrations. This shape works wonderfully well for me, as well: my clit is very sensitive, and there is one tiny spot that’s even more sensitive than the rest of it, so I can set the feeler against that spot and orgasm in, like, ten seconds.
The Tease is also as cute as hell. I mean, it’s lime green, for heaven’s sake. This color was one of Tantus’ original neon offerings, which they brought back as a promo, stating that if sales went well, they would start offering those colors again. I suppose the lime green must have been popular. Its shape makes it look like a little alien thingy, and makes for easy grip due to the dip around the middle.
Cute and powerful as it may be, however, it is still a bullet vibe in a silicone sleeve, and comes with all the usual caveats of bullet vibes: a low, yet clearly discernible buzzing noise, high-intensity1, difficult-to-find N-batteries. Although this bullet is (supposedly) longer lasting than regular bullets, you’ll still have to deal with changing the batteries or the bullet itself eventually. The toy came with the bullet already inserted into the sleeve. It must be a pretty long bullet, since the entire toy is stiff and immovable except for the tip. I tried pulling the bullet out, but try as I might, it stayed put. And I didn’t want to get violent with the thing for fear of wrecking my new beloved.
Size comparison. From left: Fun Factory Gigolo, Tantus Tease, and Lelo Mia.
The Tease is part of Tantus’ new-ish Little Secrets line (perhaps the company’s answer to Toyfriends?), which includes four other equally adorable and colorful silicone sleeves + bullet vibes. What I’d really like is the option to purchase the Little Secrets as sleeves alone. I’m very curious as to how the Tease would work in conjunction with my new Lelo Mia 2.0. IMHO, Tantus’ thing is definitely producing well-made, pretty, silicone toys, so maybe making sleeves for bullet-styled toys would make sense? Like how Vixen makes attachments for the Hitachi? I guess the problem with that idea would be that the Tease is quite a bit longer than a regular bullet, there is no “go-to”, well done bullet that I know of, and bullet toys are available in subtly different shapes2, so a one-size-fits-all deal would probably be out of the question. …But I still want to try pairing the Tease with the Mia, dammit!
On top of all this? All the Little Secrets only cost ~$30. So if you can’t afford to splurge on a luxury vibe that may cost $50+, purchase a Little Secret and get a good bang for your buck.
To sterilize the Tease, you can wipe it with 10% bleach solution. If you put it in the top shelf of the dishwasher with no soap, or boil it for 5 minutes, you’ll have to take the bullet out, so I don’t recommend these modes of cleaning. Silicone toys are not compatible with silicone lubes.
Edited 12/7/11: Corrected after a representative at Tantus confirmed to me that Tantus does not make any electronic components, including bullets, but sources them from elsewhere.
I’ve been doing quite a bit of rope stuff over the last few months. A new friend of mine has been giving me some rope pointers, and has also been practicing his tying and suspension skills on me.
I’ve decided that my skin gets marked up fairly easily. The marks may be a little troublesome – my mother saw them and instantly guessed what they were, though she feigned ignorance for a while – but I like them a lot. They remind me of the good feelings that come from being tied, so every time I catch a glimpse of them I get a little happier.
Being tied and being suspended are very different beasts indeed. Often, being tied sends me right into bottomspace. And if combined with a few other factors, e.g. a little roughness, it makes me melt. I modeled for a rope class that Esinem lead last week, and while it was not “orgasmic”, I experienced the floatiness that usually happens to me post-orgasm, where all I want to do is lay there, totally immobile; perhaps doze off for a while. And I’m not sure if it’s because my bottomspace often manifests as feeling like an inanimate object, but directly after the demos I very much desired to not-speak. Unfortunately, after the demos ended, everyone would try out what they had just seen, which meant people came and spoke to me, and I had to gather myself back together and respond to them.
After the second demo, I took a break and lay down on one of the couches, eyes closed and body curled up tight.
Being suspended is a little similar – I begin to float away and lose the desire to speak1 – but it’s tempered by the stress that the suspension puts on my body. Getting suspended hurts. But because of this hurt an interesting thing happens – I know that I can’t escape what is happening to me2 so I end up finding a very narrow space in my mind where the hurt becomes… alright. It’s a very meditative, very powerful place; and being able to find that place – dig my fingers into it – when I am suspended, makes me think that I am a step closer to finding it during every day life as well.
Guess what, I made the week’s top 3!
Photo courtesy of A Bedroom Blog
Welcome to e[lust] - Your source for sexual intelligence and inspirations of lust from the smartest & sexiest bloggers! Whether you’re looking for hot steamy smut, thought-provoking opinions or expert information, you’re going to find it here. Want to be included in e[lust] #28? Start with the rules and subscribe to the RSS feed and Twitter for updates and submission reminders.
~ This Week’s Top Three Posts ~
Ruby LOVES her body, so should YOU – What ever size you are, love yourself, be nice to yourself and concentrate on health instead of looks.
Performances - So, of course, I don’t have any sensation in my cock, but holy baby Jeebus, sinking into her is so fucking hot that I groan right along with her.
10 reasons why I shouldn’t have had sex, but did anyway – I’ve written extensively about happy-sex; so now here are some of the more unpleasant reasons why I’ve had sex.
~ Featured Post (Lilly’s Pick) ~
Energy Orgasms – There is a moment, an incredible moment, when it feels like the universe is concentrated in my body.
e[lust] Editress: Dangerous Lilly
Trigger warning: racist & sexist slurs
A chatlog? Haven’t done one of these in a while. Anyway, here is a chatlog between me and one of my (white, straight, cisgendered, male, top) friends.
Wilhelmina: i wish random fetlifers i don’t know would stop trying to come on to me via messages
Wilhelmina: this one older guy messaged me once asking if i was “oriental” and wondering if i was a switch “because i was a woman” (???)
Friend: hahaha, oh man- and then I think of all the least appropriate responses ever
Friend: but he probably wouldn’t have understood the sarcasm in the response I would have sent
Friend: Dear Sir, Actually, I prefer the term “chink,” or if you really must generalize- “slanty-eyed whore.” You are right of course on the matter of my being a switch because I am a woman- I would like to be dominant, but no matter how hard I try, I cannot overcome the fact that by being a member of the weaker sex, I can never truly hope to dominate a man. The very idea of standing up to a man, much less a white man such as yourself, who is so much better than me… I shudder to think. No, I can only hope that some day I might, with the proper guidance from a gentleman such as yourself – whose wisdom and skills no man of lesser experience and seniority could ever hope to rival - and towards the furthering of said gentleman’s pleasure, have the skills and confidence to assert my authority over other members of my same gender, assuming they were not of a superior race.
Seriously though, I keep getting propositioned even though I’ve specified on my profile that I’m, um, not looking. I’m toying with the idea of simply responding to all unwanted messages with a link to something really gross.
As a preface, I just want to say that I expect you to realize that, obviously, I’m not trying to say that (promiscuous) sex is inherently “bad.” You can have sex for good reasons and bad reasons; you can have sex safely, or you can do it in ways that hurt yourself and others. I also want to say that this post isn’t meant as a guide of sorts – though if you do come away with some new insights, then great. Basically, though, it’s exactly what the title indicates it is. You guys probably have lists of your own. Or maybe you don’t have a list at all!
If this blog is “about” anything (besides sexuality, that is), it’s about my vulnerabilities. I’ve written extensively about happy-sex; so now here are some of the more unpleasant reasons why I’ve had sex.
- Because I was in love with the other person. – And I either thought sex would help make them fall in love with me (worst idea ever)1, or that it would help forge a romantic relationship (sometimes it does, sometimes it doesn’t) or because the other person didn’t love me back, but I wanted to get as close to them as possible. And if a close friendship + fuck buddies was “as close as I could get”, well…
- Because I wanted to become friends with someone, or because I thought they were interesting and I wanted to get to know them better. – This has actually worked a few times, I’m became friends with a handful of my friends after hooking up with them first. At one point, I was more confident with flirting and with my sexuality than I was with simply approaching someone and trying to strike up a conversation with them. Sex came to me more easily so I… used it as an “icebreaker”.2 Not to say that I wasn’t attracted to those people – I was, in a way – but I probably would have preferred keeping things platonic. I don’t think my social skills have really improved all that much, but I am at least making a conscious effort to not shove things into a sexual context just because it’s the easiest thing to do.
- Because I liked that people knew me as “that freaky sexual guru who slept with everyone.” - This was only true at my fraternity. Until that point in my life I had only ever been known as “that creepy, awkward girl who doesn’t talk to anyone” or “that nerdy pushover who will help me with my homework if I annoy her enough.” Being known as “that promiscuous kinkster” was… a nice change of pace. Through osmosis, I sort of subconsciously believed that having a lot of sex is “cool” – at least cooler than being a big ol’ nerd – which I consciously think is just silly, because no type of sexual behavior makes you “better” or “cooler”, it’s simply a matter of preference. Eventually, being known for being promiscuous/sexual was just as irritating as being known for the other two things. All three of them are true – they are parts of who I am – but considered by themselves, they are all incredibly one-dimensional. It’s like people saw me as a parody or a caricature of myself.
- Because I missed one of my other lovers. - This happened a couple of times – the first time, I was fucking person X but thinking about person Y and missed them so much that I burst into tears, and then hurriedly left. Obviously, person X was very worried about me the next day. The second time, I was fucking person X but imagining person Y in their place and felt so guilty about it that I – that’s right – left. Do I even need to explain why this was terribly unfair to everyone involved?
- Because I was lonely. - I think everyone has done this at some point.
- Because I was horny and the other person was “just there.” - See above.
- Because I was attracted to person X, but person X would only have sex with me as a two-for-one deal with person Y. - This only happened to me once, with two guy friends who I was on a foreign trip with. I was horribly attracted to person X, but was not attracted to person Y, like… at all. But they only seemed interested in having sex with me if they could sandwich me. It wasn’t worth it. It wasn’t unpleasant per se, just… strange.
- Because I was feeling insecure and needed a self-esteem boost; I needed to feel “valuable.” - The control; knowing that someone’s attention is riveted on you at least for a few minutes… However, after it’s over I was more or less back to square one, and it didn’t solve the underlying problem that I, well, had low self-esteem. Seeking validation through sex… just… no.
- Because I couldn’t be bothered to say that I wasn’t really all that into it.
- Because I thought that once I started touching the other person’s genitals, I had entered into some sort of binding contract that meant I had to then have oral/penetrative sex with them. - I have no idea why I thought this for so long. I was never even coerced/persuaded by any of my partners, I just… believed it. It seems so ridiculous now. As to how/why I realized that it wasn’t true – I have no idea about that, either. It just hit me one day – while I was making out with someone and knowing that I didn’t want to do anything besides just make out – that wow, I don’t actually have to do anything that I don’t really feel like doing!
- I say this because you can’t “make” anyone fall in love with you – either they will or they won’t. The most you can do is spend time with them and then let them know you’re interested. The focus isn’t on the sex itself, here, I think trying to make someone fall in love with you in any way is doomed to fail. It’s also kind of disrespectful, to say the least. [↩]
- While typing this I’m aware of how messed up that sounds but… well, it’s the truth. [↩]
I know that I’m poly, to some level.
I call myself “theoretically polyamorous,” as in, I know that I’m capable of being being attracted to or in love with multiple people at once, but I don’t put it into practice in my life, i.e. in a practical sense, I am monogamous.
There are many reasons for this. When I think about how I act when I’m dating someone, it takes enough time and energy to just do that with one person that I can’t imagine putting equal time and attention on even more people. Also, contradictorily, I can be quite jealous and possessive. I need the person I’m with to be very focused on me and for me to be “#1″ in their romantic life. I know polyamorous people have to deal with jealousy, as well, but I don’t even want to explore poly as an option because I’m afraid that the negative results will end up largely outweighing the positive.
- Lily: I remember when we first opened our relationship. It was my idea, and I really, really wanted my partner to go...
- Deutsch frauen: Well, we glad you’ve came back. Any who had have a blog, knows that in several years you have...
- Potomacker: As long as you keep writing, I’ll keep reading.
- Rainieha: I really wonder why some people use sex toys. Is there a big difference with human sex organ than this?How...
- Wilhelmina Wang: good to hear there are people still keeping track of me! ^^;