Awkward/Adorable

So after spending the last five sexless weeks bitching, moaning, and masturbating, I have happily acquired - not just one, but two! - hookup buddies. (Somehow I can't call them 'friends-with-benefits'... probably because I'm not exactly that close to either of them, yet.)

I was recently talking to Cute-Tripmate's Roommate about 'my types.' I don't exactly believe in 'types' but I tried to map out some kind of pattern in the men I have been with and came up with the following categories:

#1 Tall, skinny beanpoles

#2 Androgynous dudes

#3 Short, stocky, strong dudes

...which he pointed out was bullshit, because the categories includes basically everyone. I'd have to agree with him, except that I've never been attracted to the big, mountainous, football player kind.

At least, until lately.

Enter Tobago-guy. I liked him (as a person, not romantically) pretty much as soon as I spoke to him, which was when I was tipsy and unusually chatty.

[Him: This is the first time I've heard you speak.
[Me: ...I'm a quiet person.
[Him: That's good. People who talk a lot have nothing to say.

He's one to talk, being pretty much the 'strong, silent type'. He answered me patiently as I proceeded to ask him at least 5 times what his name was and where he was from, etc. I saw him now and again after that, around the dorm and at parties. He's hilarious when drunk. He drinks so rarely that he's basically gone after one or two drinks, and then gets completely hyper and pumped and random, i.e. shouting, dancing vigorously and saying really random things to everyone.

Tobago-guy is enormous. 6'2" (i.e. about a foot taller than me), hands and feet are twice the size of mine. Black, bald, and a jock. (Pretty much everyone here plays some kind of sport though.) Muscled - not bodybuilder/wrestler muscles, but very visible and obvious. And while most American football players I know at College are sort of mountain-shaped, he's just broad and limber. His physical strength is somehow elegant. Sometimes he wears glasses, which I love.

He is also very difficult to read, since most of the time he seems emotionless. His facial expression is almost always neutral, calm, and steady, so that when he laughs, it breaks over his features like a refreshing wave.

One night, (the night before I hooked up with Cute-Tripmate, actually) the dorm is having a card-game and dominoes tournament in the outside courtyard. Besides cards, there's drink, and music, and plenty of people chatting. I head over with another friend, and I don't know how it happens but I end up with 4 rum-and-whatevers in me and another one in my hand. Basil is there, but I'm pointedly ignoring him because he'd disappeared for weeks after flirting with me shamelessly, slash after I shamelessly threw myself at him. I'm about to go talk to Bajan-guy, but Tobago-guy, who's sitting nonchalantly with my Roomie and her friends, calls me over and starts talking to me.

I don't remember what we talk about. During the lulls in our conversation, the music irresistably pushes and pulls my body into a sinuous dance and out of the corner of my eye I can see him watching me intensely. Eventually he asks me for my cell phone number and I say that I don't have my number memorized, but I'll go to my room and get the phone, so he can give me his number and then I can give him a missed call. He offers to go upstairs with me, and from that point on I'm pretty sure exactly where the evening is going to go...

We talk a lot. Both of us are tipsy and tell each other... many things. He tells me about his previous girlfriends and what his real age is (19... I had been guessing that he was 22 or 23, which most people guess. He likes looking older than he is, which is why he doesn't like telling people his age). Soon enough, there it comes...

[Him: I find you very attractive.
[Me: Oh, thank you... why?
[Him: *exasperated and frustrated with himself* ...I don't know!

Now, why did I find that infinitely more flattering than the super-slick but pretentious answer I had received from somebody else a mere few days ago? - which was:

[Me: You intrigue me. You're always walking alone, like yeah, no one fuck with me. You know what you want, and you go and get it. Like me.

Um, okay, that's nice and all, but... ew, smells of so much bullshit! Maybe I liked what Tobago-guy said better because he was being, you know, honest and unassuming? It's really really aggravating when men sweet-talk you just to get into your pants... It's also sort of disrespectful if you think about it. Like, hmm, you can't be honest and up-front with me, like you would to a friend? Don't I deserve that, at the very least?

It's probably also because I like it much better when people are direct and straightforward with me. It just makes like so much easier. I'm much the same, with romantic interests/sexual encounters at least, which some people get miffed over, sadly...

Anyway, I casually drop to Tobago-guy that I have a crush on him too but thought he wasn't interested. I don't remember who starts it but soon we're making out on my bed and he suggests that we move to his room because his roommate is away for the weekend.

Lesson: never try to predict a person's sexuality based on their physicality. Tobago-guy is wonderfully submissive. He lets me direct the flow of everything; lets me kiss and bite his mouth, neck, shoulders; lets me straddle him and roll my hips on top of his. He touches me lightly; contemplatively. He's quiet in bed too - only making small, low moans.

Clothes come off. He doesn't let me take off his underwear, which I find cute. Doesn't want to go all the way either, because he doesn't sleep with people he isn't in a relationship with. I find that cute as well. But he does let me take his cock into my mouth. Gasps when I do, and I hear the sound, hear him reacting, and it thrills me.

I move back up his body and he presses fingers inside me. I ask for more. His large hands are perfect for this. And then he goes down on me.

Maybe he's being too intense. (My clit is extremely sensitive. Couldn't even take someone sucking on it until last month, and even then only when they were being very very gentle.) Maybe when I run my hand over his head and feel his almost-non-existent, tightly curled hair, it reminds me of the Emperor, whose hair was pretty much the same. Maybe I suddenly realize that I barely know this person, even though I do like him, and that makes everything a little empty...

Maybe it's because of all of those things: tears begin to trickle down my cheeks onto the sheets. Not the good kind of tears. The bad, heaviness-in-chest kind of tears. An unpleasant surprise.

"I have to go." I murmur. I can't be here right now. He sits up. I apologize and ask him over and over if he's annoyed or angry and he says that he isn't, just doesn't understand what's going on. I tell him it isn't him, I just feel upset about something I had remembered and needed to be by myself... I pull my clothes back on and kiss him deeply before I leave, feeling awful about the fact that I'm leaving so suddenly, before we even finished...

I go back to my room, and cry, and send a random email to the Emperor, which was probably a bad idea but had a very interesting/revealing result. And then I watch an episode of House (I know... I went from sex to House, shut up) and go to sleep.

I run into him a few times after that briefly, and I'm still worried that he may be sour about my leaving, even though he doesn't seem the type who would get irritated easily. Eventually he asks me if I was alright after our little foray, and I said yes... and that I was glad we did what we did, and felt bad about leaving so suddenly.

The second time we hook up, it's after talking and being able to have comfortable silences and me learning how to make him laugh. I don't randomly get upset this time, but notice many things that I missed last time, in my drunken, sex-starved state. The morning after the first hookup, I woke up to find my upper lip swollen, and assumed it was because I had gotten bitten by a bug overnight or something. Now I realize it's because Tobago-guy nibbles when he kisses, which I don't exactly like. (I don't like walking around with a swollen mouth, either...) I politely ask him not to, but he keeps doing it - habit, I guess. He handles my body somewhat clumsily; like he isn't accustomed to the delicateness of the female body, or to reading bodily responses... Basically, he's like a teenage boy who's only slept with one or two people, which is exactly what he is.

As a top he's not very good - not enough movement or passion. But as a bottom... he is full of potential. I discover that he likes being bitten, and scratched - when I bite down on a nipple he breathes in sharply and intones a yes. And his body is amazing... I can't stop running my hands over his warm, smooth, hairless skin and taut muscles.

I suck him for the second time, and he coaxes me into a 69. After a few moments, however, he loses his erection and I feel a little bit worried. Am I doing something that's a horrible turn-off? I ease off of him and ask if something is wrong. A little reluctantly, he admits that his leg had begun to cramp up, and started to massage it, hissing in pain. When I asked for how long, he said for quite a while, and I exclaimed "why didn't you say anything?" I felt bad again, but couldn't help thinking it was kind of adorable the way he just kept going like that in spite of his leg killing him...

He finishes rubbing the cramp away and we lay down next to each other; me completely naked and comfortable with my nudity (which is still such a surprise to me...). His arm comes around my waist. We don't attempt to pick up where we left off, we just look at each other in a companiable silence. And then he says, completely deadpan, with his usual neutral expression on his face, "so... pillowfight?" and I burst out laughing.

So, basically... I think the point of all this is that sex isn't always just hot. Sometimes it's hot and clumsy and awkward. But because Tobago-guy is such a sweetheart, and I like him so much as a person, the awkwardness honestly does not matter all that much.

Although... after the second hookup, I found out two very important things about him. #1 He likes people being rough with him during sex, and #2 he hasn't had any mindblowing sex yet. (I asked what the weirdest/best thing he'd done so far was, and he shrugged and said most of his sex had been nothing to write home about. Shame!) So, seeing as he's such a sub, I'm taking it onto myself to give him some pretty mindblowing, kinky sex.

...Except I've not a clue where to begin. Suggestions would be more than welcome...

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