HNT: Butch/Femme? « Heartbreak Nymphomania

17Oct/0811

HNT: Butch/Femme?

I have a problem with labels. I can see why/when they are useful, but generally I think that we should be in control of the labels, instead of letting labels be in control of us.

I've been trying to read more about queer gender presentations - particularly queer femininity - and I feel like I'm seeing a lot about being 'butch' or being 'femme', and not seeing enough about being in-between. Or neither. Or both.

Right now, I guess I'd be pegged as a 'femme', since I wear skirts and dresses pretty much exclusively, and appear fairly girly. But I hesitate to label myself as such. I spent most of my pre-teen years wearing clothes from the boy's section. At one point had my hair cropped short. Boy-short. I'd be happy when people mistook me for a boy. And I never, ever wore a skirt voluntarily until I was about 17.

Now, I sometimes randomly wake up and feel the urge to don a shirt, loose jeans and my Doc Martens. I've been wanting to expand the 'butch' side of my wardrobe. Probably going to be doing a lot of shopping once I'm home ~

Here I am in some of the only 'butch' clothing I brought with me, and the only pair of boxers I own.

But yes - butch or femme? My answer is - why pick one?

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Filed under: Gender, HNT, Queer, queer identity, reflections Leave a comment

Comments (11) Trackbacks (1) ( subscribe to comments on this post )

Amalthea
October 17th, 2008 - 01:29

How about just the label of just… sexual. I might add hot, because I was a little shocked at my response to this photo.

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Wilhelmina
October 17th, 2008 - 03:27

Wow. o.o Thank you, I’m really flattered…

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d2b
October 17th, 2008 - 14:51

Butch and femme and definitely extremly sexy (confuses me too that I liked the butch part)

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bentcrude
October 17th, 2008 - 15:31

well you don’t have to pick any label at all, i think

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merlin17
October 17th, 2008 - 18:35

I know a lesbian who prefers feminine-looking lovers but dresses that way herself. There’s nothing wrong with presenting yourself to others the way you feel that day . . . in or out of your clothes.

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Geoff & Rose
October 18th, 2008 - 07:49

Rose tells me off for referring to her friends as butch or femme, saying labels don’t apply now. We thought your photo lovely, whatever label anyone might use.
Geoff

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Wilhelmina
October 19th, 2008 - 14:25

Thanks everyone =)

Hmm, confusion is always good =)

I can see why the labels are there and why people would identify with them – i.e. both are reactions to conventional, heteronormative gender expressions – though I’ve never actually met someone who overtly called themselves ‘butch’ or ‘femme’. But if you can’t define yourself – or don’t want to – that’s fine too, I think.

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wogo
October 20th, 2008 - 02:29

The jeans/boxers/belly is really hot. Something about the gender mix is great – the image of man-clothes, your smooth girl-abdomen, and the idea of your nether lips underneath is quite a combination. Thanks.

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perfectlips
October 21st, 2008 - 17:07

Just found your blog (from Honey’s Hive). I completely agree with this post. These gender pigeonholes are inhuman.

A while ago the International Academy of Sex Research (no, really!) had their annual conference with a session on gender non-conformity. I like the idea of being a gender non-conformist.

Nice blog. I’m off to read some more.

PL

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sublimefemme
November 1st, 2008 - 17:52

I agree with your post entirely and am really glad you wrote it. Although as you know my blog is about theorizing femme ID, one of the important points I’ve been trying to make is that butch and femme should not be seen as mutually exclusive categories. As I wrote last month, the dyke/queer/bi woman who mixes butch and femme styles and expressions isn’t confused, she’s sexy! I think we need more women writing about this, so I hope you’ll continue to explore these ideas.

I have an upcoming post that takes up the issue of “labels” and addresses issues you bring up here, so I hope you’ll check it out. I discuss how it feels as a femme to have my gender called a “label” and the importance of respecting everyone’s self-identifications (which I know you do), even if you do not ID that way yourself.

xo
Sf

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Wilhelmina
November 1st, 2008 - 21:10

Re: SublimeFemme – Mixing butch/femme is probably something that will keep surfacing in this blog… both because I feel quite androgynous (mentally/emotionally at least, and in the way I dress act, but bodily and in many other ways I also feel very female) and I tend to be attracted to androgynous or gender-atypical people.

I just saw your post – gonna read it right now =)

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Wilhelmina Wang. Queer, female college student with her mind lodged firmly in the gutter, seeking genderbenders, lessons in BDSM, a meaningful fuck, and a point in life.

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