During the flight, I started menstruating.
Sort of ironic, if you think about it. But the same time, I was relieved. I had been thinking about you and wasn’t sure if I was ready to see you. If I wanted to see you at all. And the blood gave me an excuse – an excuse to not sleep with you; to not let you touch me. To not jump into anything that I would perhaps not want.
When I met you again, after a 4 month breach, I realized that something had changed. I didn’t burn for you as much. Wait – that doesn’t make much sense. What I’m trying to say is that I’m still in love with you as I ever was and I still yearn to touch you, but I can’t ignore the ebb and flow of life and its irresistible force.
So the truth is? That the reason I feel lukewarm towards you now is not because my love has lessened – it is because it no longer makes sense. It no longer has a place in the real world. And I have to be content to let it flow away.
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This blog contains explicit sexual content.
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FeedburnerWilhelmina Wang. A queer, kinky, feminist, sex-positive, eurasian, writerly, twentysomething girl with her mind lodged firmly in the gutter.
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Menstruation does not keep Nimue and me apart. We spread dark towels on the bed and make love with even more gusto, knowing how sensitive that condition makes her.
But then, we know we want each other. It’s not as powerful an elixir for those who aren’t sure they do.
Well… it’s more like I don’t want to be touched *there* when I’m menstruating, no matter who the person is. I just find menstruation kind of gross. No, I’m not ‘ashamed’ of my femaleness or anything like that, I just look on menstrual blood as unpleasant and as a bodily waste… so I don’t tend to feel sexy during that time, even though I know many women who get very turned on during it because of hormones or other reasons.
Doesn’t stop me from getting down and dirty- but I know what you mean W. I don’t feel at my most attractive or horny when I have lumps of liver flooding out of me, oily skin, zits and irritable mood swings!
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Having an excuse to protect yourself and re-evaluate things sounds like it might have been just the ticket.