HNT: Cock « Heartbreak Nymphomania

7May/0924

HNT: Cock

dscn3101

Almost a year ago now (!), the Actor wanted me to fuck him with a strap-on. So he offered to buy me one. We cheerfully bounced onto Babeland.com and he ordered me the awesome Jaguar harness + Leo dildo set.

I only had strap-on sex with him once before he left. It took a while to happen. We were both nervous, I hadn't quite gotten the hang of all the thrusting, and at one point his roommate drunkenly walked in and we both were forced to dive under the blankets in the dark in a very undignified manner.

When he left, he took the Leo with him (!) and managed to lose the harness after going through my stored boxes to retrieve something of his. Sigh. I was incredibly frustrated when I realized it was gone. I asked him to give me the Leo back once, only to hear back in response:

Him: No, me and my boyfriend use it.

Me: But you already have two penises between you! What do you do with an extra one?!

Him: Well... we use it. We call it 'Barney.'

Me: *shudder*

Anyway, he eventually impulsively bought me another set right before he came to visit. So I'm content again, hehe.

dscn3100

How can I best describe how it feels to wear a cock, and why I wanted one so badly for so long? It definitely doesn't have anything to do with wanting to be male, or wanting to have a cock all the time. (Although I do still want to adopt 'pieces' of masculinity.) I definitely don't feel any need to wear a packing cock, for example. But I've wanted to be able to penetrate my partners; fuck them with a cock, my cock. Certain 'male' fucking behaviors came somewhat naturally to me, I think. During trysts with... various partners, of varying genders, I couldn't help but spread their legs apart, kneel in between them, and rub myself against them. Grind up against them from behind. Fingerfuck boys until they're gasping. I wanted to be able to have a penis, and then not have one again when I didn't feel like it anymore. So, obviously, a strap-on was perfect.

So it definitely is a sexual desire. But it's not just the desire to penetrate - wearing a cock gives me pleasure as well. I like the way it makes me feel about myself. The first time I strapped the Leo on, and when I finished fucking the Actor, and lay back with the Leo standing proud and constantly-erect, I felt an instant rush of confidence. It's kind of hard to explain.

The Leo probably also marks the first time I ever understood why someone would want their strap-on sucked. When I first took it out of it's container, it felt so smooth and perfectly textured in my hands that I almost wanted to suck on it myself Imagining a beautiful person on their knees in front of me, my cock slipping in and out between their lips... omg.

I also know that not just any cock can feel like 'my' cock. I don't want one that looks absolutely realistic, for example, but neither can it be purely abstract and impossible. In that sense, the Leo is a perfect balance - it's elegant, pretty, but thick and undoubtedly penis-like, without the veins, the balls and the skin-tone. I don't want one that stimulates me at the same time, which is why something like the Tantus Feeldoe or harnesses with slots for vibes would be exceptions, or special, but never consistent, never mine. When I'm wearing a strap-on, I want to be the one giving the pleasure, and I don't want anything to distract from that. Except maybe the pressure of dildo's base against my clit...

I haven't tried this new cock on anyone yet, sadly, but hope I will soon.

HHNT!

Things I should have said ... and wanted to say, but didn't. Also some of...

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Filed under: Gender, HNT, Queer, chick with a dick, genderfuck, queer identity, reflections, the Actor Leave a comment

Comments (24) Trackbacks (1) ( subscribe to comments on this post )

Stacy
May 7th, 2009 - 16:19

*sigh* Well said, and lovely picture. I’m a bit jealous because I want my own and have yet to get one.

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Axe
May 7th, 2009 - 16:40

This is where I’d normally try to say something clever but…I’m at a loss for words.

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perfectlips
May 7th, 2009 - 17:43

The second picture is not bad, but the first one is fantastic! You look like you’re … it’s a wonderful transcendence of masculinity and femininity.

I’m glad I managed to hack the broken url. You trickster.

You are very very sexy. I think that’s the sexiest picture of a woman wearing a strap-on I’ve ever seen.

(for the record, I’m not at all interested in having one used on me, but I love what its deconstructive power)

(Hey, I’m on your blogroll! ♥thanks♥)

PL

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Jake
May 7th, 2009 - 18:13

That first photo (at http://bipoly.files.wordpress.com/2009/04/dscn3101.jpg – it works in Google Reader but not in the post?) is oddly hot. Well, not oddly but I didn’t ever think a photo like that would have got me so hard…

But it has

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Mina
May 7th, 2009 - 20:30

wow… this whole post is sexy! I like the cock and the strap on.

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sublimefemme
May 8th, 2009 - 12:14

@Jake Isn’t “normal desire” a contradiction in terms?!

@Wilhemina I know you’re grossed out by the Barney comment but I actually love the fact that gay men use strap-ons. As in, why limit yourself to 2 cocks when you can have more? This strap-on suits you perfectly, pretty but studly. But if you’ve been reading SF Unbound lately you already know how I feel about violet

xo
SF

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merlin17
May 10th, 2009 - 09:31

There is something incredibly erotic about a woman wearing a strap-on, which is why such scenes are staples of porn movies. This one in particular becomes you, precisely because it is smooth and purple–not an anatomical clone of a real cock, but rather a recognizable abstraction into which you can pour as much symbolism as you desire. Or realism.

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Champagne and Benzedrine
May 11th, 2009 - 15:09

Oh my Goodness, what a hot post! And the photos!

You will have to write more about the pegging – it’s definitely one of my favorite fantasies and although we have a big, beautiful strap-on, my wife and I haven’t had the opportunity to do it in YEARS.

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SheenV
May 29th, 2009 - 09:39

Love this pictures!!

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perfectlips
May 7th, 2009 - 17:47

clarification: url is only broken on http://bipoly.wordpress.com/2009/05/07/hnt-cock/.

on http://bipoly.wordpress.com/ url is fine.

*shrugs*

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perfectlips
May 7th, 2009 - 19:03

beezarr. Now it works fine at both urls. Wilhelmina, are you there hacking the back end? Maybe I should just go to bed and it will all be fine in the morning. zzz

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perfectlips
May 7th, 2009 - 19:04

iN EITHER CAse please delete all my silly comments about urls. xo PL

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Wilhelmina
May 7th, 2009 - 19:24

Oh thanks for pointing it out, I went back and fixed it It was broken for a while, don’t really understand why.

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Wilhelmina
May 7th, 2009 - 19:25

You could always get someone to give one to you as a gift…?

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Wilhelmina
May 7th, 2009 - 19:25

Well, that works too

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Wilhelmina
May 7th, 2009 - 19:26

Yeah the picture was broken for some reason but I fixed it

Hee. My goal: making guys get hard at the sight of strap-ons. One sexy photo at a time <3

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Jake
May 7th, 2009 - 19:29

You deleted my ‘im in ur wurdpres fixin ur comments’ lolcat! I’m offended!

Hehe just joking, and I’m glad that first photo is working now, in all it’s purple glory.

I have the normal desire to want to kiss up those legs of yours, but also play with your strap-on. My, this is intriguing!

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Wilhelmina
May 7th, 2009 - 19:34

I clicked on the link and it didn’t go anywhere!

That IS intriguing! Tell me more. lol

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Wilhelmina
May 7th, 2009 - 20:57

Thanks

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Jake
May 8th, 2009 - 13:26

Nah I just meant normal as in ‘usual, typical, or expected’ – when I see a picture like that who wouldn’t want some lips meet inner thigh action?

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Wilhelmina
May 21st, 2009 - 23:43

I’m not grossed out by the fact that they use it – I’m more confused by it to be honest – I just don’t really like associating a sextoy with a cute children’s show character… :/

Ah yes I did see your post on that

Purple is a good color for a cock, I think. My other one (the Tantus Feeldoe) is coincidentally in purple, too.

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Wilhelmina
May 21st, 2009 - 23:44

Eh I’ve yet to see porn featuring women in strap-ons, but then I limit myself to cheap, crappy free porn on the internet (which constantly disappoints)

Yes, I totally agree with your second statement. Couldn’t have said it better myself!

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Wilhelmina
May 21st, 2009 - 23:49

Thank you!

I really should. The Actor actually REQUESTED that I write about him/that experience here (the narcissistic git, lol) but it was a year ago now…

Why haven’t you been able to?

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Jake
May 22nd, 2009 - 11:34

It still looks like (in that first picture) you’re just begging to be stroked/sucked. I’m still a fan!

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Wilhelmina Wang. Queer, female college student with her mind lodged firmly in the gutter, seeking genderbenders, lessons in BDSM, a meaningful fuck, and a point in life.

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