Glimmer

There are some people I know who have this special ability to make me feel really good about myself when I'm around them.

I think it's a certain kind of charisma. The Emperor had it. I'm getting to know a certain person better (who I'll call AR for now) at Zeta Mu, and he has it too. He's a pretty big guy, a total sweetheart, very positive and good at commanding attention. That doesn't really sound very special, I know, but there's just something about his laugh, his energy, and the completely un-self-conscious way he talks and moves...

I've known of him for quite a while now but we've only just started getting to know more about each other. A couple nights ago I was in his room and we were being quite affectionate - cuddling, my feet draped over his lap. At one point he started giving me a foot rub, which was so cute, and which I really appreciated. (OK, clearly, he was hitting on me as well and we hooked up soon after that night, but that's besides the point.)

I just really liked talking to him, I liked having his attention focused on me, I liked how I felt with him paying attention to me. And sure, attention is always good, you might say, but it's different, still different with people like AR and the Emperor.

And then yesterday, I was not in a very good mood. Most of my night had gone very well, and I had been happy - until I hooked up with the Professional. Which also was going well, until he went soft for no apparent reason (clearly I started to worry about whether it had something to do with me, while trying to quash those thoughts at the same time) and he also didn't want to spend the night (I already knew he doesn't like sharing the bed with people, but still, cuddling in the afterglow is one of my favorite parts of sex, it's so reassuring, and going without was slightly disappointing).

AR lives in one of the more social rooms, so I threw on some clothes and went to see if him and other people were still hanging out. He was on the couch having a very involved conversation with one of his female friends, so I stayed for a little bit and then left.

A while ago, this would have made me way more upset and jealous... that said, I was still upset. Glancing at them talking and him being so intent on it, and thinking that I was in that position not too long ago, and wanting to be in her place again, and wondering if he was interested in her too (but I don't like him that way so why should I care?)... Yeah, I just did not feel good.

The best way I can think of to explain just how it feels to engage with people like AR and the Emperor is to compare it to being in sunlight... when the sun is shining on you you feel warm and good all over, everything seems just a little bit better, and when sunlight isn't shining on you anymore you feel bleak and want it to come back.

(You probably have people like that in your lives too, right...?)

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