Wait, what? Really?

Apologies in advance to twitter friends and other friends who I’ve been talking about this incessantly to, already. You’re probably fed up of hearing about it ^^; This will probably be the last I’ll be saying about this for now.

via Sarai Woah Photography

So… I have an announcement to make. Of sorts.

I am currently a taken woman.

Yep. That’s right. The Heartbreak Nympho is off the market (!)

Nobody could be more surprised than me, I think. It’s ironic because I had pretty much written off my senior year as a bust. I’d given up looking for anyone I could possibly date, I’d already exhausted the Zeta Mu pool, and I’m graduating this year anyway so I basically resigned myself to being single until graduation. It hasn’t been to bad – I flirted online, hooked up now and again, but with no one new, made out with people on dance floors, got sexually frustrated and lonely now and again, got jealous when the Professional would hook up with other people (seriously, he is the very definition of “slut”. His face should be under the word in the dictionary. Which is fine and all, but not when I’m one of the people fucking him, with me being as possessive as I am). Basically, I was comfortably accustomed to, and happy with, being a single woman.

Clearly, this is when life decides to throw a relationship right into my lap.

I first met J when I was a freshman, in passing, but I met him again this term at somebody’s room party, since he was there with someone I knew. We said hi, we started talking, and pretty much instantly hit it off. A few days later he sent me this very cute, kind of awkward email asking if I wanted to get coffee. So we did. And then he asked if I wanted to get dinner. So we did. Throughout all of this, it’s pretty obvious to me that he has a crush on me, but my feelings are still ambivalent, or rather I’m not expecting very much to come of it, so I just let things flow.

But I began warming up to him. It was pretty difficult not to And then we were in my room watching Old Boy one night (fucking awesome movie, btw. Not really date material, it was my choice though, oopsie, but it’s still a great movie) and… things all went downhill from there

I know this sounds like a really, really typical story. Boy meets girl, they go out on a few dates, they solidify the relationship… but you have to believe me, it is such a relief, such a refreshing change, from what I’ve been experiencing up until now. People don’t go on dates at my college. They don’t. Me and my friends have bitched to no end about how people are perfectly fine with getting wasted and making out with each other in a frat basement, but if you even so much as attempt to ask someone you like to – gasp! – get dinner with you, suddenly it’s super awkward. And, while I’ve enjoyed the lovers I’ve had over the past couple years, I really was looking for a “proper” relationship, and instead I experienced all manner of bizarre sexual set-ups. It just gets a bit tiring after a while.

So… basically, me and J are dating now. And I don’t think I deserve him on so many levels. He’s super intelligent. When we’re hanging out and talking the hours whip by. He’s one of the nicest, most gentle and considerate guys I’ve met, and he has been nothing but good to me. (I mean, he cooked for me, for goodness’ sake! o.O)

Of course, there is a spanner in the works. (There always is.) Turns out that J is an extremely monogamous person. If you’re at all familiar with my blog or tweets at all, it should be pretty obvious to you that I’m… well… not. Right now, my ideal relationship structure would be a deep, intense, committed relationship, but it would be open, with us being free to have casual sex with other people, so long as we communicated everything to each other. I already know that’s not going to happen here. I knew this would happen eventually – that I would get into a relationship with someone and I would have to try and reconcile the crazy, exciting sexual journey I’ve been on with the new relationship: discovering my kinky side, discovering that I’m pretty much polyamorous and could “do” a poly relationship, if I wasn’t as insecure and possessive as I currently am. Besides the monogamy question, I have no idea what he thinks about BDSM. I also haven’t told him about this blog yet.

How typical that a nice boy like J would end up with a raging pervert like me.

I’d be lying if I said I was super into being monogamous. Just because I’m dating J doesn’t mean I don’t desire other people. I still do. I’m not one to want to hook up with every random, hot person who crosses my path, but there are at least 1-2 people here who intrigue me and who I would love to sleep with if given the chance. (And it would probably pain me to get that chance now and know that I couldn’t take it.) And I still think about trysting with my old lovers, like Girl, and the Optimist, who I might be visiting at some point. (Or not, if I wouldn’t be able to control myself…) And giving up my sexual connections with them is a big deal for me.

On the other hand, though, with some of my other lovers, knowing that I can’t sleep with them anymore actually lifts pressure off of my shoulders. It’s kind of nice to just interact with the Professional and the Scientist, knowing that we’re just friends and that I don’t have to care whether they hook up with other people or not (as they obviously would. The Scientist is as big of a slut as the Professional is). It’s nice socializing with people as friends without my using sex as some kind of social lubricant (ha ha) or way of bonding with them. (More on this later.)

Basically, I don’t want to insist on sleeping around when I know it’s going to make J upset, or if he isn’t going to put up with it. Maybe in the future things will shift more to my liking, but I’m not holding my breath. And for now, I’m going to do things the way he wants to do them. Giving up sexual connections with other people for this, for something I’ve been wanting for such a long time now, seems like a small price to pay.

This is a big change in my life. But it’s a change that I’m very happy with

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