Non-exclusive means hurt (at least to me). But who cares – you didn’t have to choose – one. And you can go find others.

When it is worth the damn hard work and taking the, No Cheat Pledge, then do it.
Sure – go one-2-one and go day by day. Don’t pledge for life. But cut loose if you need to go tripping.

All these opinions are my own and subject to correction.

Be good to each other.

-ryder
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An option you may want to look into is an open relationship. No relationships have to be made with others, but you both are free to speak about it as long as you’re open.

Another option for you because of your kink is to get involved in the kink communities. I wouldn’t consider jor and I’s relationship to be open, but we do play with others on a regular basis. One of the big things about BDSM is that it’s not about sex – it’s about the sensations. So I have no problem watching jor get beat on by some other person. It IS sexual, but there will never be any sex or making out. It’s something a lot of people in the community share. That could always be an option, and I’d be happy to answer any questions.
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I agree with Brit on that, 110%. And I, too, think you did an excellent job of articulating the pros and cons for you with respect to monogamy.

It’s always interesting to me to see how other people analyze and interpret their own relationship dynamics. Some people put far more effort into it than others. The ones who do are usually much more mature and stable when it comes to whichever path they elect to take.
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I think that the dynamics of monogamy and nonmonogamy, of rules and boundaries, and everything really, varies from relationship to relationship. Not only that, they vary within the relationship. I know that for me, at the beginning of a relationship with someone, I’m pretty much always monogamous. I’m not ready to share that person because I haven’t had enough of them yet! However, as time goes on, the relationship opens more and more.

However, even the definition of what it means to open a relationship varies from one to the other. I’ve had relationships with men where I was allowed to hook up with girls, whether the guy was present or not. I’ve had some where we both had to be present for any physical interaction with anyone else. Some where penetration was not allowed but other things were, etc. Sometimes, the rules remained the same throughout our relationship, other times they changed as we did.

There are many ways to do nonmonogamy besides the poly model, or even a conventional “open relationship.” I guess the way that I do it is more like swinging, as it’s sex only, and usually the rule involves the other partner at least being present. At the beginning, we don’t usually even explore that stuff, as we’re too consumed by each other. However, I make it clear from the beginning that if I do start to feel that itch, the option for expanding our boundaries at least needs to be able to be on the table for discussion.

I think that last point is going to be important for you going forward. Right now, this is working for you and it’s what you want. But knowing your past feelings, you may start to get an itch or an inkling. You need to know that the option for discussing those feelings and maybe expanding/changing boundaries (even if it’s slight) in the future is there. You never know how you’ll feel down the road. Just make sure both partners are willing to ebb, flow, expand, and change with each other. Communication is key.

Great post. By the way, I don’t believe monogamy is natural, either. I think it can be for extended periods of time, but not forever.
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