Review: Rascal the Baller

My experience (or lack of) with Rascal the Baller from Sextoy.com can be taken as a lesson learned. I requested it quite a while ago, back when I was still fairly new to reviews, and I really wanted to try out a set of anal beads. This set, from the picture, looked standard enough, and so I requested it.

Imagine my shock when I got it in the mail and realized it was FUCKING GINORMOUS: this Rascal is a whopping 17.5" x 2.5".

Moral of the story: don't order a toy without carefully checking the specs.

Meanwhile, I was stuck with the damn thing and had to do something with it in order to write a review. The question was, what? I put out a call to my Tweeps, and busted it out when a few of my friends were over for drinks, asking: what would you do with the (then dubbed) Anal Beads from Hell™?

Some suggestions included:

- mail it anonymously to someone to freak them out

- hang it on someone's dorm room doorknob to freak them out

- plant it at a frat house to freak out the bros

- take some photos of them being used by a budding porn star, auction them off on ebanned.com, and donate a % to Haiti flood relief. After paying your local neighborhood sex worker fare wages of course

- back massage

- beat somebody up with them

- use as a lamp base or a porch railing

- use to threaten or protect yourself against intruders into your home

- use as part of a modern art sculpture or collage

People also reacted in the following ways:

- "I would run screaming from those!"

- "Oh. Those are massive. And rather frightening."

- "You're fucking kidding me. That can't go into your average asshole, no way."

I agreed with the last statement. If you're wondering if I actually used this, the answer is, unfortunately for you guys - no. I mean, there's no way something as big as that was going anywhere near my ass. I don't think I'd ever use the Baller... unless I were (click with caution) Goatse. Or perhaps this guy.

Size aside, I was unimpressed. The Baller is made of the same gross "Sensafirm" material that I had hoped I would never have to encounter again after reviewing the Bootyballs. According to Sextoy.com, it's made of rubber. Blah. It's also very floppy, yet heavy, and smells like toxic chemical waste. Not sexy at all.

That would have been the end of my review - except that I ended up sending these to the Actor. I had a "yard sale" of sex toys at one point because I needed the cash, and sent him my list of items to see if he wanted to buy anything. Interestingly, this product was the only thing he was interested in. Which goes to show that while me & my friends might have no interest in a huge product like this, there are definitely people out there who do.

When I asked him about his experience with the product, he had this to say:

"Didn't work. I think my pelvis is too narrow. But I am persistent. [My boyfriend] got one of them in, and he's very well practiced in terms of putting large objects into his own bum (he fists himself). Getting that one ball in was damn intense and took a while, but he managed It was pretty hot..."

So... if you're interested in a large, affordable set of anal beads, give Rascal the Baller a try. And for God's sake, don't break your pelvis.

Specs:
- Material: Sensafirm / Rubber
- Length: 17.5"
- Width: 2.5"
- Colors @ Sextoy.com: Beige
- Price @ Sextoy.com: $29.28

sex toys | anal toys

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