Alone
You do not have to care about where he is, who he's with, or what he is doing. You do not have to uphold his values, do things that please him, or work on fixing the things he thinks are problematic about you. (Not unless you want to, of course.)
You do not have to ignore your lust for other people, thrust your kinky urges under the rug, or wonder if he'll care about whether or not you strip down to your underwear at one of Zeta Mu's parties. You do not have to wait around for him, call or check up on him, or sucker yourself into spending large amounts of time with him, while sacrificing time that could be spent socializing or with friends.
You do not have to care that he likes you better 10 pounds lighter, or that he likes it when you wear girly clothes. You do not have to worry about whether or not you'll offend him by calling him out on his shit, or bluntly disagreeing with him.
You do not have to take his future plans into consideration when you make plans for yourself. You do not have to give any part of yourself over to him or let him have possession of it.
You do not have to care for him any more than you want to, or are comfortable with.
---
On the other hand...
You're alone now.
You will not depend on him, expect to be the center of his attention, or expect him to be a refuge you can run to. You will not think like you are part of a unit. You find him attractive, you like cuddling with him, but there's no meaning behind any physical act you might have, except for affection and maybe lust. When you come home, you will greet him like a roommate and a friend.
You will remind yourself that your relationship was good in its way, but not satisfactory or fulfilling, and that you're better off as friends. You will remind yourself that he really did like you, and things didn't work because you weren't right for each other. He didn't replace you with somebody else. You will remind yourself that he cares about you, just not in the way that you're searching for.
You will support and be there for him as a friend, just as he's doing for you. You will encourage him in resolving his problems because you want him to be happy. If he gets what he wants, you will be happy for him.
You will be all you need. You will focus on yourself; you will work on getting fit and dress up and be industrious and work on your own projects and hang out with friends and have fun and plan your future. You will look forward to leaving here because what comes next will be adventurous, new, and exciting... and you'll have no baggage holding you back.
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April 19th, 2010 - 13:49
You said it all really. There are good and bad things about break ups and relationships, you just have to focus on the good.
((hug))
xxxx
Amy´s last blog ..Conventionality Belongs To Yesterday
April 19th, 2010 - 20:08
no offense hun, but with everything you wrote here, it does sound like the breakup is good for you. It didn’t sound like he loved you for YOU. *hugs* You’ll find someone far more deserving and fitting.
mina´s last blog ..day 15
April 20th, 2010 - 11:56
Wow. Even the “bad” things here don’t sound all that bad. This didn’t sound l like the best relationship for you, and it sounded like you were dating someone that didn’t like YOU and wanted you to change things that were essential to who you are. Doesn’t mean it’s not sad and hard, of course. But it sounds like it will be for the better. <3
Britni TheVadgeWig´s last blog ..Pleasurists #73
April 20th, 2010 - 14:55
Thanks, guys.
Yeah, he basically didn’t, which was why we broke up in the first place. What he wanted… wasn’t me/the person I am. He cares very much about me, just not romantically. Honestly, I think the same is true for me, but then I didn’t much care about that since I knew it wasn’t going to be a long-term thing.
Actually, I make him sound like this really demanding person in this entry, but when I’m with someone I also try very hard to do what they want me to do, sometimes at detriment to myself. I couldn’t do the things he wanted this time though, because I basically would have had to become somebody else.
But yeah. We’re better off this way.
Wilhelmina´s last blog ..Alone