Friends & Lovers « Heartbreak Nymphomania

25Aug/102

Correspondence

L sends some of the best emails. His words can make me swoon. Here's one of the awesomest ones for your reading pleasure; on fucking in public at our college, among other things.

Let's... make this legendary. There shall be a new challenge. Nous nous baiserons to an unprecedented echelon of debauchery. We will set the boundary for all collegiate libertines to set foot in those hallowed halls; a milestone for those Bacchus-led, lustful revelers. We shall make palpable those words spat forth from Hell's own cartographer, speaking of our model, Egypt's Semiramis, broken by the carnal: "A vizio di lussuria fu sì rotta/ che libito fé licito in sua legge,/ per tòrre il biasmo in che era condotta." It is no coincidence that "carnal" and "carnage" derive from the same root; those Latinists fish from a pool of sexual ardor and fleshly anger, their script merely approximations of the fury that trembles around the core of their passions. Our words are reflections of this Greco-Roman obsession; our actions their seductive manifestations. We are art personified. Each thrust an Impressionist stroke melded into a maelstrom of feeling, twisted into a hurricane of fingers and hair and fleeting glances of serious eyes. Through less solemn eyes (which we have always worn), the description rends our hearts asunder, razes the comfort in our bosom, but thrusts us into a crystalline, fiery realm of pure, ecstatic release; a garden, neither Heaven nor Hell, where flora and fauna flaunt broken limbs with fervor, where Venetian fevers whisper themselves into being, giving tremors that were never told...

"La bufera infernal, che mai non resta,/ mena li spirti con la sua rapina;/ voltando e percotendo li molesta."

And yet it is still said that Jesus wept. He is a sailor, yes, but when we walk on the waves, we sink. How he wishes he could.

Note: Quotes from Dante's Inferno

Filed under: L, exhibitionism & voyeurism, guest post, sex 2 Comments

20Aug/101

Review: Bend-Over Beginner Kit

As you well know, I'm quite the strap-on aficionado, so I was really interested in trying out the Bend Over Beginner kit. It comes with (almost) everything you need for strap-on sex, and the pieces are quality, too:

- Sportsheets Vibrating Velvet Harness
- Tantus Silk Small
- Tantus Silk Medium
- 2 O-rings of differing sizes

The only possible addition, or improvement, I could suggest, would be to include a good anal sex book, or DVD. And maybe a small bottle of water-based lube. Still, this is a pretty comprehensive collection of items to have if, as the name of the product suggests, you're a strap-on sex beginner.

I'm going to go through the parts of the kit one by one. Also, since the name of this product is the "Bend Over" kit, and the dildos are on the smaller side, I'm assuming this product is intended for anal sex, though I'm sure you could use it vaginally as well:

Tantus Silk Small

Upon looking at this dildo, I knew it wasn't going to do much for me. In both my pussy and my ass, it just felt like a finger. I don't really see the point in spending money on a Silk Small when using my own fingers would have a similar effect. The one male partner I tried this with wasn't impressed, and said he could take more, even though I was one of the first people he'd tried anal play with.

On the plus side? The Silk Small is perfect for people who haven't had much anal experience, but crave the intimacy and intensity of being fucked by a strapped-on partner as opposed to being fingered. I could have seen myself using this on the Optimist, who loved having his butt played with, but was already overwhelmed even when I was only using two of my fingers on him. The Silk Small is, obviously, harness-compatible, is longer than my fingers and has a nice curve, so is probably perfect for seeking out a G-spot/prostate.

Tantus Silk Medium

The Silk Medium was more satisfactory. As it's thicker, I liked it in my ass a lot better, and actually liked using it in my pussy quite a bit, which was surprising due to it's small size. Again, the curve was key.

Overall, these two dildos are probably an excellent choice for someone with little to no experience with anal play. The dildos are smooth, simple, uncomplicated, and small. When I first experimented with anal sex, I was very interested and excited, but also pretty nervous. I don't see either of these dildos being intimidating to someone who might be a little nervous and insecure about trying something new.

To sterilize the Silks, you can wash them with 10% bleach solution, put them in the top shelf of the dishwasher with no soap, or boil them for at least 5 minutes. Also, silicone toys are not compatible with silicone lubes.

Here are the Silks next to my go-to anal dildo, the Tantus Acute:

Sportsheets Vibrating Velvet Harness

The harness, like the dildos, is also very straightforward and easy to use. It has double-straps (that go under your butt as opposed to being worn like underwear) made of nylon, and remind me of backpack straps. You also adjust them the same way you would backpack straps. Very easy. You can also wash the entire thing by throwing it in the laundry. The first harness I ever owned was the Aslan Jaguar, and while it's gorgeous, I wasn't quite sure how to take care of the leather. The Velvet Harness is definitely lower maintenance.

In addition to being easy to use, the harness is pretty versatile. It has a pocket where you can insert a bullet vibe (I opted to insert the Lelo Mia, which fit pretty well, except for the base protruding out of it). You can swap out different sized O-rings with four snap closures on the front of the harness. The harness can also fit people whose hips are up to 50". If you're a smaller person, like me, and don't like the straps trailing behind you, you can always trim them and use a lighter to melt the edges and prevent them from fraying.

Personally, I don't really like the harness that much because it's a little bulky, and doesn't fit my body as seamlessly as the other harnesses I own. Ideally, when I wear a harness, I want to feel like it #1 isn't there, or #2 is an extension of my body. I don't feel like that when I wear the Velvet harness; this harness feels like I'm strapping on a piece of material, that is sitting conspicuously on top of my cunt, and acting as the base for a dildo. I also don't feel very connected to my cock anymore, since the triangular piece of velvety material is quite thick. Finally, I don't find the fuzzy material particularly sensual. I got the purple set, but I think the kit also comes in black. I would've liked that color better than the bright purple, too.

So that's the Bend Over Beginner kit. I ended up giving all the pieces of this kit away, since none of them really worked for me. However, I'm glad this kit exists and I see it being a good purchase for someone who's just beginning to explore the awesome spectrum of anal play.

Filed under: chick with a dick, dildos, misc, sex toy review, sex toys, the Optimist 1 Comment

6Aug/100

On the Popular Representation of Dommes

Transcript to come.

Accompanying Pictures:

Please, Sir & Please, Ma'am

Yes, Sir & Yes, Ma'am

Francesca Le dominating Christian in Tristan Taormino's Rough Sex

Image found via MaleSubmissionArt.com

Filed under: BDSM, Christopher, Domme, feminism, reflections, voice post No Comments

5Aug/105

Temple

I'm bracing my hand on your chest, using you for leverage in all reasonable respects. Now and again my fingers ghost towards your neck; my nails dig into the muscle that slopes down from your neck to your shoulder. I'm pulling you into me; quick and shallow and then lingeringly, so slow that you can feel all of me. As I stare openly at you, it occurs to me that your cock only makes sense when it's inside me. When you enter me I feel as if my cunt is a temple; a sacred place of transformative power; a place that can change your genitalia from something absurd and nonsensical into something... focused. Directed. Pleasurable. Dangling between your legs, your cock is soft and out of place and silly and only causes you irritation. Does it not? But trapped between my legs, it becomes instrumental to your gasps, to the convulsions that sweep through your body.

---

You tell me that once you pass a certain threshold of your arousal, you cease to think; you fuck me with abandon, thinking nothing of me and only of your own pleasure.

That's the way it should be.

I want you to pin me down, grab my hips, spread my legs and sink yourself into me. I want you to hold my shoulders and pull me hard and jarringly back against you. I want to say, "this is your ass, your cunt, so take it, take them."

Fuck me until you've had your fill.

Filed under: BDSM, Domme, Erotica, L, bottom/object, journal, sex 5 Comments

27Jul/103

A Plea for Help

[Photo via renewleeds]

I'm in a bit of a pickle.

I don't like having to whine and beg for money, help... anything, really. Especially on a blog where people come here to enjoy my writing. However, I've gotten to the point where I'm willing to try anything, so I'm pulling out all the stops.

If you follow me on Twitter, you've probably read me whining about my current visa/job situation. To summarize: I'm a UK citizen, and have been living in the US for four years, as I was attending college here on a student visa. I just graduated from said college, and I'm currently completing an internship that lasts until the beginning of September. Basically, I need to get a "real" job by then. "Real" as in non-temporary, and requiring higher education, i.e. nothing menial like being a dishwasher or waitress, though I'd be perfectly willing to do something like that to get by, if I were allowed to. I also need to get hired by a company that's willing to shell out a couple of thousand dollars to sponsor my work visa. If I get a job, hence the visa, after October 2010, the visa doesn't go into effect until Oct 2011. Which means I'll be forced to leave the country for a year. (Although, my current visa, which is student-work-experience, is good until December, provided I'm interning or volunteering somewhere.)

I probably don't need to state that, because of all this, I'm under quite a large amount of pressure.

In many ways, I feel like the US is my home now. My friends are here. I believe that there is more freedom here, compared to my hometown (Hong Kong), for me to do what I want to do, i.e. pursue artistic expression and find communities to support me in that, to be queer and sex-positive and kinky and involved in causes that are important to me... Hell, a few weeks in New York resulted in more new acquaintances and social opportunities than months in Hong Kong. And the clincher: I'd have to be away from L for a year, and we'd only be able to see each other after months at a time, if that. Being forced to leave all the other stuff? That would be upsetting and saddening, but having to leave L would be... gut-wrenching.

So what I'm asking is for... anything you might have that would help. If you know of any resources regarding companies that often hire internationals, or any companies that are hiring in general, or any words of advice on how I could deal with this... If you need to know more: my background is in English, publications & writing, and clearly I have some knowledge of web-stuff. I'd prefer to be in Communications and to stay in the North East, but really don't care what field I end up in or what area I end up in at this point.

Thank you all so much.

Filed under: Friends & Lovers, L, life, reflections, relationships 3 Comments

27Jul/100

Devour

Your body is so small and soft and smooth and milky. Like a sweet, cool dessert melting in the summer heat. I want to swallow you whole; lap and bite you all over; lick the remains off my lips, from the corner of my mouth, and slide every bit of you down my gullet.

Filed under: Domme, Erotica, L, fiction No Comments

22Jul/103

Jitters

L is coming to visit tomorrow, and I'm a little scared.

I'm also immensely excited and happy, but that doesn't mean I can't be scared as well, right?

L & I have explored so many things together - in every respect, but I'm focusing on sexuality, here - and the more we explore, the more I feel as if a certain momentum is building. Also, it seems the further we go, the more likely a D/s aspect is going to come into play. L is in no way or form a submissive, and neither am I with him, not all the time. And in terms of our personalities and our relationship, there isn't a clear person who is "in charge." I quite like it that way. Nevertheless, sooner or later, in the bedroom, I'm going to end up bossing him around.

Upon pondering his visit, I find possibilities & imaginings flitting through my mind, hence a sneaking insistence that I can't not try them now that I know that I can. I mean, presumably. It's much easier to simply fantasize about things without attempting to enact them. Without becoming a reality, they're infinitely filmreel pristine perfect. Also, being the one who wants to do nasty things to the other, well, not to state the obvious, but you kind of have to be the one to come up with the plan. I have a good idea of what he likes; of what he wants me to do with him. But even so, I'm preoccupied with silly little grievances like: I don't have a cane, where can I get a cheap cane? And will that particular one work? I want to bend him over the end of the bed and tie his ankles to the bed's feet, but my bed is lame and doesn't have feet, it only has wheels located closer to the center, how will I get around that? And, most importantly: what if he ends up not liking what I'm doing? What if I fuck up?

Being a switch (and yes I've finally decided to claim switch) can be really irritating. I know that he wants me to hurt him, that he wants me to control him... That he's taken audio files of himself jacking off because he wants me to listen to him & know what thinking about me does to him. I know all this. But I still haven't quite managed to tap into that raw energy that I know is there; to tap into the desire to see him marked up and prone and open and willing to do whatever (within reason) I tell him to. My conflicting desire to have him do those things to me sometimes interferes. See: my last post. He's not the kind of person to lay there and take whatever I dish out; he reacts, he grabs me, makes me hurt. And instead of fighting, like half of me wants to, I typically give in to what the other half wants, which is... to give in.

The thought "maybe I'm not really dominant" enters my mind, even though I know that that's just silly. There is no right way to do something... as much as I know that, I'm intuitively inclined to think that there is, and that I'm not fitting it.

Even though I'm worrying about this, I know at the end of everything, I'll simply listen to me and to him and to what we want; and that even if my plans don't work out, we'll have copious amounts of rough sex anyway and it will all be fine and dandy.

Edit: As always, after writing about something that preoccupied me, I find that I'm not thinking about it as much and not even sure why I was so worried about it in the first place. Ah, the therapeutic powers of writing.

Edit again: After the initial psychological nail-biting... exercising my creativity on this is quite... satisfying and amusing. I was envisioning possible things I could do with my room, and with items I could easily get from pharmacies and hardware stores and laying out situations in my head. Weighing what action would cause what effect. It was like composing an outfit or a writing piece, only better.

Filed under: BDSM, Domme, L, angst, learning, reflections, switch 3 Comments

20Jul/102

Subspace

I have him naked, with his ass up and his face in the pillows, red stripes down his pale back where I'd scratched him, and his wrists and ankles cuffed, each wrist connected to the corresponding ankle. I'm rummaging around in my backpack for lube and a plug. When I find what I was looking for, and turn back around to face the bed, I see that he had twisted himself around so that he could look at me. The sight of him exposed, with his face terribly lustful and hungry, was, cliche as it sounds, breathtaking.

I return to my spot behind him, lubing up my fingers and pressing one into his ass, then two, using my other hand to squeeze and pinch his hip. He is making the most wonderful, breathy noises, jerking forwards slightly every time my fingers move inside him, searching, feeling the plush press of warm flesh. His entire body quakes. I am kneeling between his spread legs. One of his hands inches towards my left knee, he finds and squeezes the flesh just above the joint, squeezes every time I push in, hard enough to make me gasp. Every pump of my fingers equals one jolt of pain for me. He has told me that being penetrated is intense, so intense that he has to hold my body in his hands, take handfuls of me and crush me as hard as he can.

Eventually I lube up the plug and slide it in. I ask him to turn over, and he maneuvers himself so that he's on his back. His skin is pale and his lips, nipples and cock are a soft pink. I suck on his cock for a moment before rolling on a condom and unfastening the cuffs so that his hands are free. He doesn't miss a beat. His hands find my hips as I slide him into me, both of us gasping.

I want to fuck him quickly and erratically, like two teenagers in the back of a car whose orgasms are clumsily reached, and over way too suddenly. I want to move on his cock until I come, but he's making me go slow, tantalizingly, letting himself be very nearly engulfed before distancing himself again. He is subtle in all the ways that I am crude.

Sometimes, while I'm above him and making him feel, he does things that completely derail me and make me want to go limp. Things like: put his hand on my neck, bite me, push his fingernails into my skin. He does this now: he digs his fingers into my waist, and pulls me down hard on his cock before lifting me up again. I feel my face contorting into this strange combination of wincing, being about to cry, and desperation. It hurts. It hurts and I feel controlled and the two sensations transform into pleasure almost instantaneously. A switch goes off in my head. Just a while ago he was restrained and I was in control, but it takes only one gesture to make me need him to control me, instead.

We switch positions so that I'm on my back. He tells me to spread my legs, and I hold them open for him. He enters me again, fucking me slowly and exquisitely. I want to watch his face, but at the moment I need to keep my eyes closed. The feeling of being possessed and fucked is too much. I need to focus fully on the tactile and let it sink in.

"I want you to imagine," he says, "that there's a person standing to your right, watching us. Every so often I want you to imagine yourself catching his eye."

As he thrusts into me, I do: "I'm thinking of them touching themselves..."

"Yes; getting so turned on by watching us..."

The person watching is dark and has serious eyes. I sigh and let my head roll back, and I let myself fall into that comfortable space deep in my mind that rocks and lulls me into a calm containment. The space that he has taken me to. I want to ask him to slap me, but I'm losing my ability to speak. All I can do is feel him fuck me, feel him close his fingers around my throat. All I can do is savor.

"I want you to look at me when I come," he says.

I open my eyes. He's fucking me harder, now, more earnestly. As the urgency of his actions builds, then releases, I feel him tense as it rolls over him, his eyes wide almost in shock. His cock twitches in my cunt.

For the next ten minutes after he pulls out of me, I lay there. I want to open my eyes. I can feel him hovering over me, watching my face and the pulse in my jugular that's fluttering like a bird. I want to see him, speak to him, but all I can do is lay limply, sprawled out and utterly useless. I understand why they call it flying. I am soaring. I am no longer a person, but a rag doll, a thing that does not speak or move or take, but is used purely for the sake of my loved one's pleasure.

Filed under: BDSM, Erotica, L, anal play, bottom/object, journal, sex 2 Comments

13Jul/102

Review: Lelo Bob

When I first held the Lelo Bob in my hands, I knew we were not meant to be... because the toy had been mailed to me to use as a prize in a contest I was holding. Nevertheless, I had carefully snuck a peak into the box, and I liked what I saw. Much like Lelo's ad image for Bob, looking at it made me think I was carefully unwrapping an expensive, fragrant cigar. The Bob, despite its decidedly unclassy name, was sleek and gorgeous, and I knew I'd eventually want to try it out myself. Unfortunately, when I did, I realized that Bob's functionality wasn't quite as up to par with its attractive appearance.

As with all Lelo toys, Bob is presented beautifully, and comes with a satin drawstring bag and one-year warranty. It's also made of the smooth, hard silicone that is typical of Lelo.

Due to Bob's small size, I was able to slide it in very easily, and then... I could barely feel anything. I could feel it when I clenched around it. It felt very thin and unsubstantial. I don't even use large plugs regularly; my go-to plug is the njoy pure plug medium. While a beginner couldn't take the pure plug without using something smaller for a while first, it definitely isn't size-queen material either. Bob is very comfortable, definitely, but part of the point of wearing a plug, for me, is feeling it, if only a little bit.

On the other hand, there was a part of Bob I definitely could feel, lodged between my cheeks: the handle. I've read some reviews that criticized Bob's potentially unsafe base, and though I could definitely feel it, it also didn't seem enough to prevent the entire toy potentially slipping into my ass, especially when I was sitting down. I was paranoid about the Bob being pushed in somehow, since the handle is round rather than phlanged and it seems like it could be pushed in with a little force, especially if you've used larger objects in your ass.

Bob, while usable by people of any gender, is essentially designed for people with a prostate, and I was fortunate enough to try it on L. He had it in while we 69ed, and here the handle was a plus. I very much enjoyed putting my finger through the loop and pulling it in and out slightly while I blew him. Afterwards, he told me that he could also feel the handle very obviously, and that the plug felt more noticeable in his butt (than, say, the Bootie), probably due to the plug's length. He didn't see himself wearing it for long periods of time, but definitely liked fucking me with it in.

As for cleaning: Bob is made of silicone, which is body-safe and non-porous, and can be shared after being sterilized. To sterilize the plug, you can wash it with 10% bleach solution, put it in the top shelf of the dishwasher with no soap, or boil it for at least 5 minutes. Also, silicone toys are not compatible with silicone lubes.

So, my verdict? Bob, while quite the looker, was just not for me, although I can see plenty of people, most probably anal beginners, enjoying it.

Specs:
- Type: Anal Plug
- Material: Silicone
- Length: 3.75"
- Width: 1.25"
- Colors: Bordeaux / Deep Blue
- Price @ Vibrator.com: $45

Filed under: L, anal play, anal toys, sex toy review 2 Comments

12Jul/100

Make me a Match

Wil: [sticks a $2.99 price tag from a purchased energy drink on L's shirt] There, now you're $2.99.

L: So I'm a cheap slut?

Wil: You're my cheap slut!

L: [laughs] I'd totally put that on a T-shirt and wear it. "Wilhelmina's cheap slut."

Wil: Next time we're at Zeta Mu I should just write it on your chest and you can walk around shirtless.

Later...

L: What do you want for dinner?

Wil: I'm fine with leftovers. Since I'm, you know, a classless ho and stuff.

L: [laughs] I love that you just said that. Hey, you should put that on a shirt. Then we can match!

---

...yeah, I like to think of us as a subversive version of that disgustingly cute couple you wish wasn't in your line of sight on the subway.

Filed under: L, Uncategorized, life, relationships No Comments

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Wilhelmina Wang. Queer, female college student with her mind lodged firmly in the gutter, seeking genderbenders, lessons in BDSM, a meaningful fuck, and a point in life.

Here's where her mind is spilled like the proverbial guts.

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