Sharing is Caring; & Working Our Way Up

So far, me and J's relationship is going swimmingly.

I'm very happy with him - he gives me all the important, emotional things that I need, he's an incredibly intelligent and interesting person, he's absolutely lovely in bed, and I am smitten with him. So, really, complaining about what I'm about to complain about is like saying - "oh yeah, I am in perfect health. I feel on top of the world! ...All except for this one insect bite. I wish it would stop itching." It's even barely worth mentioning. In fact, I'd say that I'm not really complaining because I am in no way discontent with the way things are. This is more of an observation, because my mind does tend to wander to the darker, more twisted places, even when I am happy.

Lately, I've been having fantasies of sharing J with another person. Of course, I know that he would never go for that, so these will stay strictly fantasies - but, because I know that he's bisexual (even though he mostly doesn't act on his attractions to men because of his cultural background), I keep thinking about finding some cute gay/bi man, slim and smooth-skinned, bordering on twink, and J going to bed with him and then coming back to me and telling me all about it. And then having hot, raunchy sex. I've also wondered what would happen if J and one of my old lovers and me all slept together - I think of N, in particular, because the last time we slept together he told me how much he was turned on by fucking me while I sucked another guy's cock... and basically implied that he might be interested in exploring sex with another man.

I've wanted my friends-with-benefits to meet each other and perhaps see if they were attracted to each other, before. The way I see it - I think you're super awesome, and I also think that person is super awesome, so I want the two of you to experience each other's awesomeness! I've also really wanted to tell J about my experiences with Sir - not to make him jealous or to imply that I want him to be more like Sir... but just because I really like Sir and I really like what we did together and I want to share that with J. I probably won't tell him in as much detail as I record here, merely because I don't want him to feel insecure, but I think I will talk to him about it eventually.

This is pretty new to me, especially considering I've bitched so much about past lovers who slept around a lot, in addition to sleeping with me. This is different, though; me and J both know that we are at the forefront of each other's minds and hearts, no one else. And notice that in all the examples I've given, I've had some say or involvement in J's being with other people. Or at least am consulted beforehand, or told about it afterwards. So - not the same thing at all, really.

Like I said, I know that J would never go for this, and I don't actually want it enough to try and push the issue. It's an interesting thing to think about, though.

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One thing that me and J haven't done much of, but I know might be possible, is SM play. As considerate and concerned with pleasing me as he is, I don't get a submissive/bottommy vibe from him at all. He has also told me that he has no interest in doing that. Which is fine, because I don't want to top him at all, it would just feel wrong/weird. However, he strikes me as the kind of person who would be domineering if he was not as nice as he is. He definitely states his wants and his opinions frankly and without apology, and he enjoys teaching me how to do things...

I've talked to him about some of my interests in SM, and he told me that he finds the idea of spanking me or tying me up pretty hot, but right now he isn't comfortable enough to do any of that. I'm not going to go into detail, but he does have issues with power/abuse.

And, like I said, it's not like I'm not happy with how things currently are. But I do get urges where I really want to engage with power play in some way, and when those urges come, I can't really do very much with them.

This makes me feel pretty selfish. I feel that it's unfair of me to try and get him to do stuff that he has issues with, just because it kinda turns me on, when we have a wonderful sex life already.

I think I might just be unused to being the partner who is more experienced/interested in more things. Before, it was my lovers like K and the Emperor who worked me up to topping them, even though I had never done it before and didn't even know that I was interested in SM at all. And now, instead, I'm in the position where I know I'm into something, and am trying to introduce that thing to someone else.

Obviously, I'm not going to throw everything at him all at once. If I'm going to try this with him, I'm going to work him up to it slowly and gradually. A couple of people have suggested that I start out with asking him to do small things, like perhaps asking him to pinch my nipples harder when he's touching me, or something.

So if anyone has some useful advice on how I should go about this, or if I should be trying to do this at all, it would be very helpful