Heartbreak Nymphomania
25Mar/108

Review: Rascal the Baller

My experience (or lack of) with Rascal the Baller from Sextoy.com can be taken as a lesson learned. I requested it quite a while ago, back when I was still fairly new to reviews, and I really wanted to try out a set of anal beads. This set, from the picture, looked standard enough, and so I requested it.

Imagine my shock when I got it in the mail and realized it was FUCKING GINORMOUS: this Rascal is a whopping 17.5" x 2.5".

Moral of the story: don't order a toy without carefully checking the specs.

Meanwhile, I was stuck with the damn thing and had to do something with it in order to write a review. The question was, what? I put out a call to my Tweeps, and busted it out when a few of my friends were over for drinks, asking: what would you do with the (then dubbed) Anal Beads from Hellâ„¢?

Some suggestions included:

- mail it anonymously to someone to freak them out

- hang it on someone's dorm room doorknob to freak them out

- plant it at a frat house to freak out the bros

- take some photos of them being used by a budding porn star, auction them off on ebanned.com, and donate a % to Haiti flood relief. After paying your local neighborhood sex worker fare wages of course

- back massage

- beat somebody up with them

- use as a lamp base or a porch railing

- use to threaten or protect yourself against intruders into your home

- use as part of a modern art sculpture or collage

People also reacted in the following ways:

- "I would run screaming from those!"

- "Oh. Those are massive. And rather frightening."

- "You're fucking kidding me. That can't go into your average asshole, no way."

I agreed with the last statement. If you're wondering if I actually used this, the answer is, unfortunately for you guys - no. I mean, there's no way something as big as that was going anywhere near my ass. I don't think I'd ever use the Baller... unless I were (click with caution) Goatse. Or perhaps this guy.

Size aside, I was unimpressed. The Baller is made of the same gross "Sensafirm" material that I had hoped I would never have to encounter again after reviewing the Bootyballs. According to Sextoy.com, it's made of rubber. Blah. It's also very floppy, yet heavy, and smells like toxic chemical waste. Not sexy at all.

That would have been the end of my review - except that I ended up sending these to the Actor. I had a "yard sale" of sex toys at one point because I needed the cash, and sent him my list of items to see if he wanted to buy anything. Interestingly, this product was the only thing he was interested in. Which goes to show that while me & my friends might have no interest in a huge product like this, there are definitely people out there who do.

When I asked him about his experience with the product, he had this to say:

"Didn't work. I think my pelvis is too narrow. But I am persistent. ;) [My boyfriend] got one of them in, and he's very well practiced in terms of putting large objects into his own bum (he fists himself). Getting that one ball in was damn intense and took a while, but he managed ;) It was pretty hot..."

So... if you're interested in a large, affordable set of anal beads, give Rascal the Baller a try. And for God's sake, don't break your pelvis.

Specs:
- Material: Sensafirm / Rubber
- Length: 17.5"
- Width: 2.5"
- Colors @ Sextoy.com: Beige
- Price @ Sextoy.com: $29.28

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sex toys | anal toys

13Sep/092

Lessons Learned (1/2)

Btw, a big thank you to Champagne and Benzedrine for putting my last HNT on his sexiest posts list :)

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[via bendoverboyfriend]

Lesson #1: The Actor

For once, height difference does matter.

His long legs are draped loosely over your shoulders as you try and push into him, but you can't get enough leverage. If you could just actually raise yourself up a little... but then you'd be on your feet, and how uncomfortable would that be? Still, the impulse to get on your feet and fuck him with your whole body is almost instinctive.

(More than anything else, you wish you could feel; not just because it would make everything so much hotter, but because you want to be able to tell what the hell is going on down there.)

You're pushing forward but you don't feel like you're moving at all; and still he asks you to move "slower, slower."

Finally you feel the head pop in - a sudden release of pressure - and then:

"Wait. Hold still," he says -

"OK. Go."

"More lube."

"You can move faster now."

"More lube."

- and after you've managed to hit a brisk rhythm, you have to keep pulling out to lube yourself back up, and the same dance starts all over again.

Soon you learn to make up for the lack of nerve endings in your silicone prick by using your thumb & fingers: holding your cock in your hand, feeling the place where his entrance is with your thumb, and then guiding yourself forward.

(The smooth act of penetrating someone else - the gasps and swiftly shifting facial expressions - is almost addictive.)

After you're done, you look at the splotches of lube on your harness and make a mental note to look up how to properly take care of leather.

3Sep/092

Review: Tantus Severin Medium

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I love Tantus products. I wouldn't hesitate for one second before recommending one to anyone; no matter what orientation, size, gender, or whatever. I think anyone could find a Tantus toy they would love.

That said, I wouldn't recommend the Tantus Severin Medium, courtesy of PinkCherry.com sex toys, to just anyone. In fact, I think the Severin can probably only be enjoyed by a select few: anal size queens and anal-stretching aficionados.

The thing about the Severin is that it's fucking huge:

The usual suspects

The usual suspects

Yeah, I picked this out because I wanted a large anal toy, but I underestimated just how large the Severin would be. At its widest point, it's thicker than the Echo dildo on the right.

Coupled with its size is the Severin's shape - it has three graduated bulbs. One would think that graduation would make inserting the toy easier, but the opposite is true.

I first tried the Severin on myself. I couldn't get it inside me. I'd get to the second bulb, and then come to an insurmountable halt. The bulbs did not help at all. There's not really much that's gradual about these bulbs. The first feels like absolutely nothing, the second is kinda average, and then the third is effing enormous. I tried training up to the Severin by wearing y other plugs regularly for a few hours at a time. I think I kept that up for a few weeks before giving up in exasperation. Perhaps if I had persevered...

I also tried the Severin on the Actor. Now, I've said time and time again that while I like anal play, I'm limited to smaller plugs and dildos. The Actor, on the other hand, has taken every single plug and dildo that I've ever thrown at him.

He could not take the Severin.

As I eased it into him, I noticed something else that annoyed me about the bulbs. Whereas with most plugs, you push gently to insert them, with the Severin you have to push forcefully just to hold it in place. After I got the second bulb inside him, he asked me to wait a bit and give him a breather. So I did. but I couldn't just keep my hand on the plug, I had to push hard against it to keep it from popping out.

And when we finally did get it in, he didn't like how it felt. It was uncomfortably large.

One thing I did like about the Severin was its base. Its size and shape is perfect. Why aren't all plugs made with a base like this?

So there you have it. Quality material, large enough to satisfy size-connoisseurs, but the bulbs just do not work.

Specs:
Length - 4 3/4"
Insertable length - 4 1/2"
Girth - 6" around at largest
Width - 2" at widest
Colors - Black & Red
Price @ PinkCherry.com: $29.99

2/5 hearts.

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24Aug/094

Review: Treeze Redwood Medium Tear Drop Plug

CNVGI-9669Really, I should call the next few weeks "Butt Month" or something because the last few toys in my review queue are mostly all anal toys... not that I'm complaining :P

The Treeze Redwood Medium Tear Drop Plug (phew), first of all, is not actually made of wood. It's a wood/urethane hybrid. Don Wands' reason for doing this is that it prevents splintering. Most wooden toys have a coat of varnish to prevent that, but Don Wands insists their way is better because there's no chance of the coat cracking. Uhh, I'm not an expert on wood, so I have nothing to say about that, but I think combining it with urethane has less to do about splintering and more to do with the Tear Drop Plug costing under $50. (Most wooden toys from makers like NobEssence and Hans Hardwood Dildos cost around $100 or more.) For me, it was a bit of a disappointment because a big reason why I wanted to try a wooden toy was for the lovely feel, smell, patterns, etc that's purely wood. Think of a well-made, mahogany desk. Wood is classy.

The Tear Drop Plug, however, is not very classy. The wood looks tacky, the color is more washed out in reality than the photo is, and it retains this artificial, manufacturing-plant smell even after I've used and washed it many times. That said, the Tear Drop Plug is quite good-looking as toys go. The Actor & I both thought it looked kind of like a chess piece. And of course it functions just like wood; it's hard, it has no give, it's relatively light, you can use any kind of lube with it, etc. And you won't have to blow a giant hole in your wallet in order to own one.

As you can see, the Tear Drop Plug is not a beginner plug. Before using the Tear Drop Plug, I had only used the njoy Pure Plug (medium), which is very small in comparison:

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The first time I used the Tear Drop Plug, I had to try five times to get it inside me. The tapered shape is good in that sense because you build yourself up. The plug's widest point really was the most difficult part for me. I would insert most of the plug in, get to that last bit, and then I'd have to take it out again because it was too intense. After a good amount of perseverance (and lube), I was able to get it in.

It was love at first... swallow. It felt amazing. Hard and filling. I worked myself up to orgasm and clenching around it felt amazing too. It's very different from all the other butt toys I own (which are all made of soft silicone, except for the njoy Pure Plug), it's the only hard, large one I own. Yeah, stating the obvious, right? But I really like having that nuance of sensation in my arsenal.

I also like the base. It's big enough for you not to be afraid that it will suddenly slip inside you, but isn't so big that it will get in the way, and the circular shape ensures that it won't poke into your buttcheeks:

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Don Wands was also thoughtful enough to include a padded, drawstring pouch for it (which is apparently the same color as my sheets. Didn't notice until I took the pictures):

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The Actor really liked this toy. In fact, he liked it so much that he went online and bought one for himself right after I used it on him. (I put it inside him and he jacked off in front of me until he came all over his belly. SO. HOT. OMG. Anyway...)

I'd say buy this toy if you're looking for an intermediate-sized plug, want to experience wood, but don't want to shell out too much dough.

Specs:
Material: Wood/Urethane
Length: 4"
Diameter: 1" - 1 3/4"
Colors: Redwood (Red) & Oak (Beige)
Price @ SexToy.com: $40.50

4/5 hearts

sextoygay575x75

sex toys | butt plugs

17Aug/092

Review: Fun Factory Bendybeads

FF.38103-500-6Anal beads were one of the only sex toys I knew about before I ventured into the wonderland of sexblogging. I always pictured anal beads as precisely what they were called - a bunch of plastic beads on a string that, for some reason, people then stuck up their ass. In short - tacky.

During my extended perusal of sex toys online, I've come across a daunting number of anal beads that look exactly like I imagined. I'm happy to tell you that Fun Factory's Bendybeads, which PinkCherry.com sex toys gave me to review, is not one of them.

Fun Factory is one of a few sex toy brands that I trust off the bat to deliver quality products. You can already tell as much when you open the glossy, red & clear package it comes in. The box fastens shut with a fancy magnet, and inside the box is an instruction booklet which provides all the info you need about the Bendybeads, and a couple of packets of Fun Factory lube. How nice of them!

So how are the Bendybeads better than the "typical" anal beads I glimpsed in my tender youth? Let's do a comparison, shall we? Well, like I said, I expected anal beads to look more like this:

o hai cal exotics...

O hai Cal Exotics...

And the Bendybeads look like this:

FF.38103-500-2

I mean, do I really need to say anything else? First off, the Bendybeads are made of silicone, and we all know how wonderful silicone is. Non-porous, phthalate-free (holy crap I actually spelled that word right on the first try this time), sterilizable, BUT don't use silicone lube with it or store it next to other silicone toys. Right. The beads also aren't bead-shaped, i.e. they're not round, but oval. Ever so slightly tapered towards the tip. This makes them easier to slide in. The beads are also graduated - the smallest is about the phalanx of a finger, the largest... um, a rather large nut. Or in more specific terms, from 2.5" to 4" in girth. This isn't only more interesting, it also helps ease more inexperienced butts into accepting larger and larger objects.

See: graduated beads! Also, see how big it is compared to my tiny hand.

See: graduated beads! Also, see how big it is compared to my tiny hand.

The Bendybeads are also less likely to get lost in your butt, because we all know we're worried about that. We'd like to keep the embarrassing hospital visits to a minimum, thanks. Unlike some anal beads, when after all the beads are inside you, the only thing left hanging out is the end of the string, Bendybeads have this large curl at the end. The curl is large enough to not enter your butt unless you, uh, actually try to ram it in or something (I don't recommend it).

Finally, the Bendybeads is one solid piece of silicone. That's right. I've seen beads where the string is "naked", or coated in silicone/plastic/something but "naked" at the very tip, but neurotic me would still be worried about the possibility of dirt deteriorating the string somehow. No worrying about that with Bendybeads. The design of the beads does make it a little more difficult to clean, since its design is like peas-in-a-pod, with this ribbon of silicone winding around the beads. This design means there are little grooves where dirt might hide, so you'd have to be careful of those spots. That said, I am very fond of the design. Very pretty. Fun Factory, as their name suggests, mostly uses cute and fun designs on their toys, things like bugs and dolphins. Sometimes almost disturbingly cute. Anyway, moving on...

How do the Bendybeads hold up during use?

Photo 26

Like their name, the Bendybeads are... very bendy, which lets them curve according to how your body curves.

Anal beads are a strange beast. As wonderfully made as they are, I actually don't use them on myself very much, preferring the constant, full feeling of plugs. Having something to clench my butt around while I'm jerking off is nice, and building up from one bead to the next is nice too, but it's just not that exciting a toy to use by myself. I enjoyed using them much more on the Actor - inserting them slowly, watching them disappear inside him and listening to his reactions, then swiftly pulling them out. He could also take the entire set in, while I could usually only take in three... feeling objects that deeply within my butt wasn't that pleasant an experience for me.

So I really don't have anything bad to say at all about the Bendybeads, except that anal beads aren't quite my cup of tea.

Specs:

  • Length - 10 1/2"
  • Insertable length - 7 1/2"
  • Girth - 4" at largest bead, 2 1/2" at smallest
  • Material - Silicone
  • Colors available - Red, Black, Purple
  • Price @ PinkCherry.com: $34.99

4/5 hearts :)

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15Jul/093

Object of Desire

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[Image from The Sandman. Click here to view full comic page.]

Kissing the Professional is akin to eating fried pork intestines. It tastes good, and you draw a large amount of satisfaction from it, but there's an undertone of dirty wrongness about it that prevents you from enjoying it the way you would, say, the delicate deliciousness of a chocolate truffle.

You linger in his room after everyone else left, and he invites you to sit on the bed with him, "where it's more comfortable." When you do, you lay next to each other companionably for a while before he reaches over and pulls you on top of him.

"Sorry about that," he says, smiling behind his beard ("beard" is too unctuous a word, but if there's a camp-er word for "beard", you definitely don't know it). "You were just too far away from me and I needed you to be here" - he hugs you to him tightly - "right away."

When you kiss, you don't know what to do with his body. "What do you want?" he asks you, and he has his hand in your panties and instead of saying "I want us to 69 and then I want to fuck you in the ass with your dildo," you decide to take things one step at a time and say, "well... um... you could... perhaps penetrate me", meaning with his fingers, but he misunderstands, and smirks, and says, "Right. I'm going to fuck you," and gives you such a smoldering look that you're too embarrassed to correct him.

When you fuck, you retreat into yourself, suddenly shy. You'd already ridden out your drunkenness and so are no longer bold. He enters you from behind, the two of you kneeling, and his hands cup your breasts and move down your body, urgently, like his hands were meant to cruise all over your skin. You feed off of his pants and jerky body movements, feeling like you're being worshiped, feeling like this is worship. There has to be something spiritual, religious, even, about all of this concentrated attention.

You end up on your hands and knees, and your body feels nothing except red hot shards of pleasure at your core. He grunts. Swears. Comes. You don't. But you revel in the fact that you've reduced this articulate, overly-intellectual person to one word: fuck.

Time for sleep. He rolls away from you, turns out the lamp, says you can feel free to stay. Not that he wants you to; but that you can feel free to. He plays classical music on his iPhone.

You close your eyes. Afterward, you'll look back on that moment as the moment that he lost interest. But, for a few minutes at least, nothing else existed for him except you; and your quota for... whatever it is, was filled a little more.

---

One week later, the Actor has wrenched your legs open uncomfortably wide, and is sitting in between them, brandishing a vibrator at you. You are, to say the least, extremely annoyed. You keep grumbling at him to stop it. Eventually he gets annoyed at your annoyance and stops; offended that you don't want him. Well, Christ, you want him, you just don't want him to treat you like this.

You've lost track of how many times you've had this very one-sided discussion: "Don't treat my body like a plaything; haven't you heard of foreplay; please treat this a bit more seriously; I feel like you don't care whether you turn me on or not; I don't know why you want to do this with me anyway because you're not attracted to me; getting to touch me that way is a privilege so treat me with a goddamn bit of reverence!"

You know that he's merely curious, and doing these things with you is fascinating for him, but everyone deserves to be touched with respect. Well, maybe reverence is pushing it just a little.

The Actor doesn't heed your requests until he catches you complaining about him on GTalk to Girl. (That probably was an unfair thing for you to do.) First he's angry, then he's upset because he actually feels guilty, then he's simply sorry. You fall asleep twined around each other, and the next day he takes more care not to upset you, and you're happy.

28Jun/090

Toy cleaning day!

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[Newly-soaped sex toys crowing the Actor's bathroom sink after we'd played together]

Toys toys toys. After visiting the Actor, he spoiled me a little bit, letting me fuck him and use all manner of butt plugs on him. (It wasn't all sunshine and rainbows, but more on that later...)

Of course, sharing toys = sterilizing, which I did when I got home before I used them on myself again. Yeah, I'm home for the summer, which happens to be halfway around the world, might I add.

An interesting side note: I live with my parents. Our apartment is tiny. They have no idea that I review sex toys, or even use them at all, so right now I'm hiding them in a bag at the back of my cupboard, hoping they don't get discovered :x My 16 year old sister, on the other hand, foundmy blog quite a while ago (dammit, my fault for forgetting to clear my browsing history on our shared computer...) and was willing to help me come up with creative ways to hide them.

(A locking toy case would be perfect for a situation like this...!)

Anyway, I had to wait until my parents were safely out of the house before I put my pot(s) of silicone & steel toys on to boil (5-10 minutes):

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These pictures were taken earlier on in the boiling process.

Then I poured the water out, pat them dry with a non-fluffy new dish towel, and put them away again.

I'm so enamored with all the different colors!

(Oh. I should add that I gave in to purchasing numerous toys from Tantus. Yay (argh?) @ pretty colors and closeout sales. So I now proudly own an Echo in peacock, two Infinity butt plugs in... bubblegum pink? and an Acute in pearl is on its way :x )

More useful links on sex toy care:

19Jun/0913

HNT: Showertime

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In the Actor's classy bathroom. I was about to take a shower when I got distracted by the huge mirror and glass shower cubicle, and decided that I had to take some pictures.

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There's something to be said for glass shower cubicles, I think.

HHNT :)

HNT_1

19May/094

Review: Tantus Feeldoe Original

Reviewing the Tantus Feeldoe Original from Pinkcherry.com sex toys! Originally I was supposed to use it on the Actor when he came to visit me but we... didn't manage, for one reason or another. Hence this review isn't as complete as it could be, but I'll post a follow up review when I'm able to.

[Click for video review]

* A couple things I forgot to mention: it's designed by women, for women, specifically to fit the contours of the female body, which is full of win; but men can (supposedly?) use it by inserting the bulb anally for some hot double-penetration action, or if you... can't get it up, I guess? The bulb also doubles up as a nice handle.

This was my first video review so I sound really monotonous! But I do like the Feeldoe a lot, the head and the slight curve feel great :)

~

Addendum [06/21/09] :

TT.F9911-250-1So I'm visiting the Actor right now and it's making for a lot of fun, wonderfulness and sexytimes. We finally got to using the Feeldoe together! Obviously using the Feeldoe with someone else was much different from using it alone. I'll talk about the Actor's experience with it first and then move on to my own perspective.

The Actor regularly has anal sex and is pretty experienced. He found the size of the shaft to be fine, but he didn't like how it was angled slightly upwards. The vibrations were pleasant, but not really a big deal. The biggest problem with the Feeldoe's shaft was its head - or lack thereof. I never really noticed before the Actor pointed it out, but the head of the Feeldoe is quite small/narrow compared to the head of a penis. When I used the Feeldoe vaginally on myself, that was actually a bit of a plus. With other dildos I've used, the feeling of the bulbous head popping in has always been intense - sometimes in an awesome, pleasurable way, but at other times uncomfortably so. It's definitely a plus to have a dildo in my arsenal that has less of a head, since sometimes I'm in the mood for a dildo that smoothly slides into me. While I was fucking the Actor with it, however, the lack of a head was irritating because the dildo kept sliding out of him. Since I obviously couldn't feel how far I was pulling out while thrusting, feeling the "catch" of a head when I was about to pull out would have been really useful.

For me, the Feeldoe was both an improvement on your typical strapon harness + dildo, as well as a regression. The "straplessness" of the Feeldoe generally worked quite well: the bulb didn't fall out during sex, and the strapon didn't get jostled out of place at all. However, using the Feeldoe made thrusting a lot more difficult, and I found that using a harness gave me a lot more control. Using a harness also meant that the ridges were pressed up against my clit at least 80% of the time, when without a harness the ridges were hardly pressed close to my body at all. Having the ridges against my clit was a huge plus because I could feel the vibrations. Vibrations against my clit while thrusting into someone is a pretty addicting feeling, let me tell you. The bulb, on the other hand, I pretty much forgot was there; it didn't really add or take away from the experience.

So, overall, I'd say the Feeldoe isn't mindblowing, but as a strapless-strapon it works pretty well and I'm glad that I own it purely because of the dual-stimulation function. It doesn't feel like "my" cock when I wear it though, so generally I'll prbably eschew the Feeldoe for more traditional strapons and get off in other ways :)

4/5 stars.

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7May/0924

HNT: Cock

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Almost a year ago now (!), the Actor wanted me to fuck him with a strap-on. So he offered to buy me one. We cheerfully bounced onto Babeland.com and he ordered me the awesome Jaguar harness + Leo dildo set.

I only had strap-on sex with him once before he left. It took a while to happen. We were both nervous, I hadn't quite gotten the hang of all the thrusting, and at one point his roommate drunkenly walked in and we both were forced to dive under the blankets in the dark in a very undignified manner.

When he left, he took the Leo with him (!) and managed to lose the harness after going through my stored boxes to retrieve something of his. Sigh. I was incredibly frustrated when I realized it was gone. I asked him to give me the Leo back once, only to hear back in response:

Him: No, me and my boyfriend use it.

Me: But you already have two penises between you! What do you do with an extra one?!

Him: Well... we use it. We call it 'Barney.'

Me: *shudder*

Anyway, he eventually impulsively bought me another set right before he came to visit. So I'm content again, hehe.

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How can I best describe how it feels to wear a cock, and why I wanted one so badly for so long? It definitely doesn't have anything to do with wanting to be male, or wanting to have a cock all the time. (Although I do still want to adopt 'pieces' of masculinity.) I definitely don't feel any need to wear a packing cock, for example. But I've wanted to be able to penetrate my partners; fuck them with a cock, my cock. Certain 'male' fucking behaviors came somewhat naturally to me, I think. During trysts with... various partners, of varying genders, I couldn't help but spread their legs apart, kneel in between them, and rub myself against them. Grind up against them from behind. Fingerfuck boys until they're gasping. I wanted to be able to have a penis, and then not have one again when I didn't feel like it anymore. So, obviously, a strap-on was perfect.

So it definitely is a sexual desire. But it's not just the desire to penetrate - wearing a cock gives me pleasure as well. I like the way it makes me feel about myself. The first time I strapped the Leo on, and when I finished fucking the Actor, and lay back with the Leo standing proud and constantly-erect, I felt an instant rush of confidence. It's kind of hard to explain.

The Leo probably also marks the first time I ever understood why someone would want their strap-on sucked. When I first took it out of it's container, it felt so smooth and perfectly textured in my hands that I almost wanted to suck on it myself :| Imagining a beautiful person on their knees in front of me, my cock slipping in and out between their lips... omg.

I also know that not just any cock can feel like 'my' cock. I don't want one that looks absolutely realistic, for example, but neither can it be purely abstract and impossible. In that sense, the Leo is a perfect balance - it's elegant, pretty, but thick and undoubtedly penis-like, without the veins, the balls and the skin-tone. I don't want one that stimulates me at the same time, which is why something like the Tantus Feeldoe or harnesses with slots for vibes would be exceptions, or special, but never consistent, never mine. When I'm wearing a strap-on, I want to be the one giving the pleasure, and I don't want anything to distract from that. Except maybe the pressure of dildo's base against my clit...

I haven't tried this new cock on anyone yet, sadly, but hope I will soon.

HHNT!

HNT_1