Heartbreak Nymphomania » Queer

Review: Crash Pad Series Vol. 5

Wilhelmina Wang — Mon, 10 May 2010 22:51:14 +0000

I’ve heard nothing but good things about the Crash Pad Series. I’d also been hankering after some queer porn. Tristan Taormino is great and all, but I was ready for something a little less hetero-centric. And Crash Pad Series Vol. 5: The Revolving Door, is definitely not hetero-centric. Like, at all.

Vol.5 is posed of five twenty-minute-long “episodes”. My overall impression was a positive one. The actors’ genders were very diverse: femmes, bois, transmen, cismen, genderqueers. (I tried my best to refer to everyone with the pronoun that seems the most correct, but please correct me if I’m wrong.) All of these scenes were quite kinky, also, including flogging, cuffs, sensation play, etc. Most of the porn I own is pretty vanilla and I really liked getting to see kink in action.

The scenes are filmed very differently from the more mainstream style that I’m used to: no background music whatsoever – sometimes ordinary, daily-life background noises came into the scene; sets that looked very much like an somebody’s actual bedroom; and lighting and cinematography that looked more natural, almost like a home movie. I felt very much like I was getting a peek behind the curtains at a queer couple’s actual sex life; and I think Kuma & Julie Warren are a couple in real life?

However, while authentic, the filming style did have its downsides. I actually missed having background music because some scenes would hit slow points and the silence just made it worse. The background noises also ranged from distracting (drilling?!) to wonderful (thunder). And there were times when the camera was blurred, or would go out of focus for a few seconds, or would be grainy. I have no idea if that was intentional – for stylistic reasons – or just a technical fuck-up, but in any case it was irritating. I can appreciate a little artsiness, but I do not want an out-of-focus image when the camera is zooming in for a close-up of somebody getting fisted!

Also, for some reason, the scenes all started and ended with shots of a woman watching the scenes on her laptop. The scene would also occasionally switch to this woman blinking, or fiddling with the mousepad, complete with computer-noises. I didn’t really get the point of this. Okay, yeah, I’m watching other people get off, I get it? Was it meant to emphasize the voyeurism of the porn-watcher? I have no idea. I didn’t like it at all, though. I felt that it interrupted the flow of the scenes and took me out of them.

And now, a scene-by-scene rundown:

August & Stacey Staxxx

This first scene was probably the weakest of the bunch. It was very slow, and at times was almost a chore to watch. The premise was pretty cute: it’s August’s birthday and Stacey has a surprise for hir. They take turns to tie each other’s hands with gift ribbon, and drip wax on each other’s chests from colorful birthday-cake candles. The wax play was very hot to watch; I loved hearing Stacey hiss in pain/pleasure as the wax dripped onto her breasts, and then see the angry red marks left behind. Eventually Stacey takes out August’s cock and fucks hir while hir hands are tied: also hot to watch, as August strained against hir bonds, trying to get Stacey’s breast in hir mouth. The scene ends with August fingerfucking Stacey to orgasm. I found Stacey very cute and teasing; I particularly liked her girly outfit combined with her unshaved her armpits and pussy. I felt like she had no energy, though; she seemed almost sleepy when she was bottoming. I liked August’s nervous laughter and how ze seemed very into the scene, but the only exchanges they had were contrived banter centered around the birthday theme. When Stacey finally begs, “Fuck me!” towards the end, I was was so relieved to actually hear some dirty talk.

Kuma & Julie Warren

This scene is better. In fact, it’s pretty fucking awesome. Kuma and Julie aren’t the typical kinds of people I find attractive, but I loved their attitudes. Kuma has some pretty awesome tattoos, and I loved his dirty talk and commanding air. Some lines I loved? “I can’t wait to tear into you,” “Let me see those nipples,” “I want my cock deep inside you.” Julie is very sweet and responsive. This scene is heavy on the kink: Kuma gets Julie out of her dress and flogs her back (he has mad flogging skillz, I think), punches her chest (I don’t know quite what to think of chest-hitting just yet), rips off her stockings, lays her down on the bed and canes her inner thighs, offers her water and then spits it over her before actually pouring some into her mouth from a cup, and finally fucks her with his cock, and then his fist. As she was fucked harder, Julie’s voice got more and more incoherent and desperate. I loved watching the fisting. I got more and more worked up as more of his fingers disappeared into her… but then the camera angle changed and I couldn’t see the actual fisting. The only disappointing part of an otherwise great scene.

Rex & Scarlett Chaos (aka. Essin’ Em!)

This is a pretty straightforward scene. I was looking forward to seeing it because Essin’ Em (Scarlett) is in it; her blog was one of the first ones I started reading, and which pretty much introduced me to the sexblogging world There’s more of a butch/femme dynamic going on here. Scarlett is wearing a pretty awesome black dress & red pumps. Rex cuffs her to the bedframe and then fucks her with his hands & cock. Red is quietly charming, and Scarlett is a sassy bottom. I loved it. She teases Rex, refuses to do some of the things he asks until he makes her, and at one point when she’s restrained, demands/asks, “Kiss me. Come kiss me. Now. …Please?” Towards the end of the scene, she gets untied and then knocks Rex’s hands out of the way to give him a blowjob. She also wasn’t kidding when she said on her blog that she’s known for being “a bit loud.” Holy shit, is she loud!

The first three scenes were decent, but it’s really the last two scenes that I found very hot and would probably watch over again. The first three scene were made up of pretty clear more-masculine/more-feminine pairings, and I wanted to see more genderfuckery. I also really wanted to see the tops get off. It’s not like I think there’s a problem with masculine/feminine dichotomies per se, or with people being “stone” (though I have no idea if those actors were stone in general or just for those scenes), but I just get off more on fluidity and blurring boundaries.

Red & Cyd Loverboy

I find these two immensely attractive. Together, their effect was explosive. Cyd comes over to “study”, but is in for a surprise: as soon as he comes into the room, a half-naked and strapped-on Red jumps him and they start wrestling on the bed. I loved the initial struggle, how Cyd resists at first but eventually surrenders, and how the wrestling devolves into giggles. Red is rough with Cyd; ze wastes no time in stripping Cyd’s clothes off and binding his wrists with his own suspenders. Awesome genderfucking moment? Red finding Cyd’s “wiener” (a sock stuffed down his pants), taking it out, and then gagging him with it and saying “Looks like you don’t have a wiener anymore!” Red then takes off Cyd’s pants, flips him over, smacks his ass and starts fucking his ass with zir fingers after making him ask for it. Hot hot hot. Throughout all this, Red keeps up a smiling, slightly demeaning stream, with Cyd squealing and moaning behind the gag. They switch towards the end, with Cyd fisting Red. This time I could see the fisting. It was awesome.

Shawn (aka. Syd Blakovich) & Mickey Mod

Syd Blakovich (Shawn)! I’ve been wanting to watch her perform since forever. And Mickey Mod, a cisgendered man? I can see people arguing about whether or not he should be included, but for me, the answer is very much yes. Shawn is fierce, and Mickey fingerfucks and sucks cock like a pro. More awesome genderfucking moments? Mickey fingerfucking Shawn’s pussy and sucking her cock; Shawn straddling and fucking Mickey (i.e. penis-in-vag sex) while still strapped on. Shawn sucks Mickey off as well, and the scene ends with Shawn taking off her cock, standing over Mickey and rubbing herself to orgasm while he jacks himself off as well. The only things I didn’t like about this scene were the lack of communication (they only exchange words at the beginning and the end of the scene), and the red screen with white writing that randomly appeared 3-4 times. Seriously, what the fuck. I don’t know if this is just a problem with my copy, but I do not want random ads flashing while I’m trying to watch a hot scene & get off.

To conclude: I find the whole Crash Pad concept pretty great, and I’m excited to see where they go next. I’d definitely want to watch more of their DVDs. All I ask is they up the quality of their filming. Sweet scenes like these do not deserve to be faulted by crappy filming.

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Things I should have said

Wilhelmina Wang — Tue, 09 Feb 2010 21:23:57 +0000

… and wanted to say, but didn’t. Also some of this is paraphrased, clearly, because I don’t remember everything word for word.

Example #1.

Guy friends 1 + 2: *discussing a hot girl they want to have sex with, but think is really dumb*
Me: How can you have sex with someone you don’t like? Or someone you find boring or dumb? I just can’t, personally.
Guy friend 1: What, it’s not like I’m going to be having a conversation with her while we’re having sex. *imitating thrusting motions, mockingly:* Oh, hey, so what are your philosophical views?
Guy friend 2: Know what would be awesome? A girl who was so bendy she could fit into a box. Then I could have sex with her and it would be, like, vagina in a box.

What I said: [Nothing.]

What I wanted to say: Jesus, why not just get a Fleshlight? The people you have sex with are still people, not things for you to stick your cock in.

—

Example #2.

Me + F + Group of acquaintances: *we’d been playing “Never have I ever” and eventually it comes out that I’d slept with a trans person. Thanks, F, for putting that one out there…*

Guy: *and this is someone I’d just met, asking me this in front of a bunch of people I’d also just met* Wait, so you mean he didn’t have a penis? How does that work?

What I said: Um, well a penis doesn’t have to be involved for two people to have sex. [Something vague about him looking and acting like a guy but his anatomy not matching up]

What I should have said: That’s none of your business. How would you feel if I asked you what your girlfriend’s vagina looks like, or asked you how you have sex with her in front of all these people?

I didn’t realize the mistake of my response until afterwards, when something about the interaction struck me as oddly wrong, but I couldn’t put my finger on why. It wasn’t until I read this post about invasive questions that I understood. At the time, I justified what happened by thinking that I knew my trans partners were pretty open about themselves and their experiences, and that it would be better for me to answer and have those people know what was up, instead of walking around being ignorant. I also didn’t want to look like I was too ashamed or afraid to answer, when I’m not ashamed at all of people knowing that I am queer and I have slept with trans people. People have shamed me for sleeping with transfolk before, and I think them doing that is idiotic. In any case, none of those reasons excuses the fact that a perfect stranger was asking about private information, and I didn’t recognize that as offensive, and answered. Even if my partners are open with their information, I can’t make the decision, on their behalf, to give that information to someone they don’t even know. Even though I am not trans myself, I want very much to support those who are, and help instead of hurt :/ I’ll just have to make sure not to make the same slip-up in future.

—

In short: I really should speak up more often than I do. I like to think that I am, and that I’m changing for the better.

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Contest: Gender Carnival!

Wilhelmina Wang — Sat, 31 Oct 2009 22:34:09 +0000

What does your gender mean to YOU?

This might seem like too much of a queer-centric contest, but even if you don’t play with your gender necessarily, I’m sure you still have feelings about your gender.

Lately, I’ve been thinking about my own gender more, and while appear mostly feminine, I often wish that I could wake up and just pick whatever gender I wanted to be that day, and be it. Soon I’m going to be doing a series of posts/HNTs exploring my own gender(fucking), and I’m really looking forward to reading about other people’s takes on gender. I thought combining a shout out for feedback with a contest would be cool.

Prizes:

I’m not giving away as much as I was for my last contest, but the prizes are still pretty sweet:

1. A Femblossom Heat from Emotional Bliss!

Not only does this vibrator vibrate, it heats up, matching the speed and frequency of the vibrations. After you use it, the Femblossom also secretes an antibacterial agent which means you can clean it with a quick wipe.

Specs: variable speeds + frequency, curved to fit the body, lats from 90-240 minutes, heats up + self-cleaning.

2. A Tantus Ryder!

Specs: silicone, 4.1″ length and 1.5″ diameter.

3. A Lelo Bo from Tabu Toys!

Specs: silicone, rechargable battery, lasts for up to 2 hours.

How to Enter:

To enter, you need to do two things:

Leave a comment on this post in response to the question: What does your gender mean to you?
Spread the word about the contest! Either reblog or retweet. Or both, if you wish. If you’re reblogging, exact text would be best (don’t hotlink to the images, though), and you can add your own words to it. Link to the blog post in a comment. You can only do this a minimum of once. If you’re retweeting, do so at least once and a maximum of ten times, and use the following text: RT @wilhelminawang What does your gender mean to you? Answer and win some sex toys! http://bit.ly/LOBoZ
(Optional) Subscribe to my RSS feed and let me know in your comment that you have

Each comment, reblog and retweet will earn you one “entry” into the contest, and after all the entries are in I’ll use a randomizer to select the winner Yep, only one winner this time.

Deadline to enter: November 21st, midnight, EST.

The Fine Print:

- Tabu Toys & Tantus are only willing to ship within the continental US. If you’re not in the continental US, you can still enter, but if you win I will request that you cover shipping costs because otherwise I’ll have to pay for it out of my own pocket. You can pay for the costs via PayPal.

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A Story of You #1 Slow Dance

Wilhelmina Wang — Mon, 14 Sep 2009 08:35:12 +0000

Hello my dears!

You’ve all been on the edge of your seats I’m sure, but I finally have the top ten entrants to my anniversary contest! I picked the stories based on writing quality and originality of the content. It was a tough choice – all the stories were sexy and well-told and wonderful.

Now it’s your turn. Who do you think deserves to win a pair of vampire gloves? Tantus’ new Vamp dildo? An autographed copy of Tristan Taormino’s new book? It’s all up to you to decide. Each person gets one vote. I’ll be tracking my IP address to prevent multiple votes from the same person . The entry with the most votes gets first pick, entry with second-most votes gets second pick, and entry with third-most votes gets third pick.

You can vote AND read all the stories at this page, but I’ll also be posting one story per day so you’ll have time to digest them all This will push the end of the contest back a few days, but I think it’s worth it.

Entrants may vote, but please don’t disclose which entry is yours to others. I’m trying to keep the entries anonymous until voting closes.

The last day to vote will be Sept 25, 11:59 PST.

Without further ado, here is entry number one by Curvaceous Dee:

1. Slow Dance

We had been doing the slow dance of flirtation for months. She was unconventionally attractive – her slim legs ending in Doc Marten boots beneath her skirts, a laughing mouth and teasing eyes – but it was quite some time before I realized I was attracted to her. A girl. Another woman. Not a man, in other words. That was a first for me, and it was some weeks of heavy pondering in the early hours, before I came to accept that I was attracted to whomever I was attracted to – in this case, her.

I found myself daydreaming about her. I’d sit at my desk at work, thinking of her one floor below on the phones, and I’d make excuses to travel down and see her, a folder in my hand so I had a nominal excuse. We arranged our lunch hours to coincide, and sat together in the cafeteria. Each Friday we’d both be a part of the crowd at the pub for drinks, and we’d be at the same parties too. Our boyfriends both accompanied us as well, but that didn’t stop me following her with my eyes. One evening, at a hot pulsing noisy club and after too much to drink, we came together in a slow grinding dance to the beat, her booted leg thrust between mine, and held firmly in place.

The flirtation had increased once I’d come to terms my attraction – I flirted back with tempered enthusiasm. My daydreams filtered into night-dreams as well. I would wake up damp and horny and aroused, and fuck my boyfriend, orgasming while I thought of her watching.

There was a party long in the planning, a co-worker’s idea and with a 1980′s theme. We planned our costumes together; arranged to meet there. The house was overflowing with people in dated outfits, swigging jello-shots and dancing badly to synthesizer music. I was there with my boyfriend, but my eyes were on her.

When the break-dancing contest was in full swing, and all attention focused on the jerky moves of the contestants, she took my hand. We walked outside, and across the temporarily deserted driveway. We were heading for the shed, it seemed, and she gently tugged me in behind, in the damp grassy shadows.

We embraced, and she kissed me. Slow and unbelievably soft, questing and tasting of wine. I kissed back, and we forgot about the party, the boys, the music and the world. It was just her, and just me. And our connection together. A few minutes alone, in the dark, inside each other.

She was my first.

Read the rest of the entries here…

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Goddess (Valkyrie): 1/2

Wilhelmina Wang — Sun, 09 Aug 2009 14:30:11 +0000

[Press Play]

You’ve known her for more than half a year; and you’ve slept with almost everyone who you’ve seen in her immediate vicinity by now. Well, not everyone, but it feels like it. These were people who you weren’t not attracted to, but they didn’t drive you particularly crazy, either. They were… comfortable. You liked them well enough, but didn’t like them so much that you’d be disappointed if they turned you down.

She was always the one you wanted the most, which was probably why you could never bring yourself to approach her. You remember seeing her dancing at Zeta Mu’s disco party that one time: tall and awkwardly graceful, like a swan who hadn’t quite learned how to cut cleanly through the water. The press of people made the dancehall hot, and her short brown hair was stuck to her pale skin. Sweat dripped in small rivulets down her neck. This picture will be forever burned into you mind: her shaking her bangs out of her face, glistening beads of moisture flying in the strands’ wake.

She’s renders your alcohol-induced uninhibition absolutely useless. You want to kiss her, tell her how gorgeous she is (the words are on the tip of your tongue), you want to do something but, as drunk as you are, you can’t. You know you’d be too hurt if she rejected you.

The steps you took were tiny. You put your hand on her waist and pulled her close, moving and swaying to the music for mere minutes until the heat rushed to your face and you pulled away. She didn’t follow you…

That night you desperately pulled that slightly dumpy, shy butch girl into kiss; daydreaming as she went down on you in your bed; imagining other people in her place; hating yourself for it afterwards.

Maybe, you ask yourself, you’re working your way up the ladder. Screwing up your courage to finally approach her. But you know all that isn’t really true.

—

It’s all the Emperor’s fault, really. At least that’s what you tell yourself. In actual fact, you were the one who finally caved and confessed your feelings to her. Once again, it all started with one too many plastic cups of booze at Zeta Mu.

“By the way, I’m insanely attracted to you.” That’s what you said. And not even to her face – you texted her and then left before anything could happen.

The next day, she still hadn’t replied. This was probably her way of indicating her lack of interest. You’d expected as much. Oddly, you didn’t mind. But you felt immensely relieved, like a large weight at been lifted off your chest. (You realized that your desire had been sitting inside of you for all this time; clamouring so loudly you felt as though you’d burst.) She said nothing about it when she saw you next, and you both acted as normal.

…But it didn’t end there, like you’d thought it would. When the Emperor came to visit, he bombarded you with questions about your “newfound” attraction. (It had been one of the first things she’d mentioned to him upon his arrival.) And then he decided that you and she would be a very good idea, so started attempting to not-so-subtly get the two of you together. (As in: telling her more about you and picking you up, unceremoniously dumping you in front of her, and announcing that the two of you should hurry up and hook up already.)

Nothing happened until two weeks after the Emperor had left. It started with a few emails. Then lunch. Then the inevitable conversations about your views on sex, hooking up, having a “fluid” sexuality, women (and how frustrating they could be). You can usually never tell when someone is interested in you, but once the “sexual & relationship history” conversation happens, that’s a pretty good indicator. You felt like you were being evaluated…

To be continued…

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Summer reading list

Wilhelmina Wang — Tue, 16 Jun 2009 06:16:29 +0000

Finally done with exams. I’ve been spending the last few days hanging out with the graduating seniors ( ) and visiting alums, watching anime, and basically being a lazy bum, but I can only do that for so long. Ironically, I look at my summer break thinking, “great! now I can do all this reading that I wanted to do without any academic pressure.”

One thing I really regret about my college education is that I never took a gender studies or queer theory class. (I know, surprising, right?) So I checked out/ordered a bunch of books that I’ve been wanting to read for a while, or were recommended by my lovely Tweeps. Here they are:

Stone Butch Blues by Leslie Feinberg
Writing on the Body by Katie Conboy
The Gendered Society by Michael S. Kimmel
Queer Theory: An Introduction by Annamarie Jagose
PoMoSexuals by Carol Queen and Lawrence Schimel
A Queer World by Martin Duberman
Screw the Roses, Send me the Thorns by Philip Miller and Molly Devon
SM 101 by Jay Wiseman

I might be rambling about some of them, the less academic ones most probably.

I’m also thinking of investing in a good rope bondage instructional/informational book, but not sure which the most appropriate one would be to get. I can see myself very much enjoying the art and aesthetics surrounding rope bondage, once I get over the frustration of sucking at tying knots.

Have you read any awesome books on kink, queerness, gender, sexuality, or what have you? Leave a comment

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Microfantasy Monday: Tits

Wilhelmina Wang — Tue, 12 May 2009 07:40:41 +0000

via Mina's Musings

She is sitting, naked, on the edge of your bed, arms at her sides, legs pressed modestly together.

You close your cupboard and turn to face her, two scarves in your hand. Wordlessly, you stand directly in front of her and gently put her arms behind her back, twisting a scarf tightly around her wrists and tying a secure knot. You can feel her breath ghosting your collarbone.

You pull back and look at her, careful to look expressionless; nonchalant. Her eyes are fixed on you, full of nervousnessmesmerizedintriguedturned-on. You calmly slip the other scarf around her eyes.

The light from your desk lamp is dim and paints the room in deep orange.

“Don’t make a sound,” you tell her quietly, evenly, as you weigh her heavy breasts in your hands, first one, then the other. She bites her lip, squirms, but stays silent, even when you tease her nipples between your thumb and forefinger until they’re hard points.

Then you reach over to the windowsill and pick up a pair of clamps. You fasten one, then the other, and she’s holding back sounds as you slowly do this, until you let the chain that connects them drop, and she has two pretty, glinting pieces of steel decorating her ample, thrust-out chest.

You’re surprised, and somewhat proud of her – she hasn’t made any noises yet. Well that is going to change, for sure. You gently cup her breasts, run your fingers over them until you reach the tips of the clamps, and flick one. A wince, but no sound. You smile and pick up the chain, yanking.

She squeals then. She looks absolutely delicious. You desperately want to let go and kiss her, but not yet.
“Tsk,” you say. “I told you not to make a sound.”

The small tea-light that has been sitting on your desk for a while now is now quite full of melted wax. You pick one up, carefully and hold it in front of you.

“Do you know what’s going to happen now?” you ask her.

She shakes her head. You smile again. Sticking to the rules won’t help now, but it’s a lovely gesture.

You let the wax drip over her chest. She gasps. The whiteness rolls down to her cleavage and turns the surrounding skin a pretty red color.

You can’t help yourself. After putting the candle down, you finally give in, pull her towards you and kiss her hard.

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Cock

Wilhelmina Wang — Thu, 07 May 2009 07:59:54 +0000

Almost a year ago now (!), the Actor wanted me to fuck him with a strap-on. So he offered to buy me one. We cheerfully bounced onto Babeland.com and he ordered me the awesome Jaguar harness + Leo dildo set.

I only had strap-on sex with him once before he left. It took a while to happen. We were both nervous, I hadn’t quite gotten the hang of all the thrusting, and at one point his roommate drunkenly walked in and we both were forced to dive under the blankets in the dark in a very undignified manner.

When he left, he took the Leo with him (!) and managed to lose the harness after going through my stored boxes to retrieve something of his. Sigh. I was incredibly frustrated when I realized it was gone. I asked him to give me the Leo back once, only to hear back in response:

Him: No, me and my boyfriend use it.

Me: But you already have two penises between you! What do you do with an extra one?!

Him: Well… we use it. We call it ‘Barney.’

Me: *shudder*

Anyway, he eventually impulsively bought me another set right before he came to visit. So I’m content again, hehe.

How can I best describe how it feels to wear a cock, and why I wanted one so badly for so long? It definitely doesn’t have anything to do with wanting to be male, or wanting to have a cock all the time. (Although I do still want to adopt ‘pieces’ of masculinity.) I definitely don’t feel any need to wear a packing cock, for example. But I’ve wanted to be able to penetrate my partners; fuck them with a cock, my cock. Certain ‘male’ fucking behaviors came somewhat naturally to me, I think. During trysts with… various partners, of varying genders, I couldn’t help but spread their legs apart, kneel in between them, and rub myself against them. Grind up against them from behind. Fingerfuck boys until they’re gasping. I wanted to be able to have a penis, and then not have one again when I didn’t feel like it anymore. So, obviously, a strap-on was perfect.

So it definitely is a sexual desire. But it’s not just the desire to penetrate – wearing a cock gives me pleasure as well. I like the way it makes me feel about myself. The first time I strapped the Leo on, and when I finished fucking the Actor, and lay back with the Leo standing proud and constantly-erect, I felt an instant rush of confidence. It’s kind of hard to explain.

The Leo probably also marks the first time I ever understood why someone would want their strap-on sucked. When I first took it out of it’s container, it felt so smooth and perfectly textured in my hands that I almost wanted to suck on it myself Imagining a beautiful person on their knees in front of me, my cock slipping in and out between their lips… omg.

I also know that not just any cock can feel like ‘my’ cock. I don’t want one that looks absolutely realistic, for example, but neither can it be purely abstract and impossible. In that sense, the Leo is a perfect balance – it’s elegant, pretty, but thick and undoubtedly penis-like, without the veins, the balls and the skin-tone. I don’t want one that stimulates me at the same time, which is why something like the Tantus Feeldoe or harnesses with slots for vibes would be exceptions, or special, but never consistent, never mine. When I’m wearing a strap-on, I want to be the one giving the pleasure, and I don’t want anything to distract from that. Except maybe the pressure of dildo’s base against my clit…

I haven’t tried this new cock on anyone yet, sadly, but hope I will soon.

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Grrr

Wilhelmina Wang — Fri, 24 Apr 2009 14:54:29 +0000

“You’re bisexual? Really? You don’t seem like the type.”

“Are you sure you aren’t straight?”

“Your friend doesn’t trip my gaydar at all. She must not be gay after all.”

“Well, you’ve never actually been with girls, you’ve been with trans-men. You’re like… an androgyny-phile, not exactly bisexual.”

“Wait, so do you make out with girls in front of guys and stuff?”

OMG.

People.

Stop being idiots.

Stop trying to decide who I am for me.

Stop pigeonholing my identity.

Got that?

Much appreciated.

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Wait, what am I coming out as?

Wilhelmina Wang — Thu, 16 Apr 2009 15:04:02 +0000

Bleh. I haven’t updated for ages, I know. I really wanted to update this blog 3-4 times a week, but that really isn’t going to happen and have to just accept that. For the past few weeks I’ve been applying to internships for the summer, and just set up a vanilla blog about… everything else I’m interested in that isn’t sex. I’m still very self-conscious about blogging under my real name, so it’s a little hard. In any case, I’m still going to dedicate as much time to this blog as I can.

I’ve been in a number of conversations with S about how difficult it is for us to “come out”.

I’m pretty much out (well, to everyone except my dad). I’m out on Facebook, I’m straight with people (haha) if they ask me about it, I give input when I’m in a conversation about queer issues. However, I don’t exactly broadcast my sexuality to all and sundry. With some people, you can just tell by looking at them. I often wish it was easier for people to realize that no, I’m not straight, thanks! – without me having to do anything out of the ordinary for them to get it.

S suffers from a similar problem. She’s gone to Gay-Straight Alliance meetings (everyone assumed she was just representing another organization and was sitting in), she went to the termly queer-women-only party (people thought she was on the guest list by mistake, or was an ally), and she’s involved in the planning with perhaps 5 of our college Pride events. Basically, it’s not until she explicitly spells it out to someone that they get it.

The thing is, she isn’t sure if she’s gay, or even bisexual. She’s questioning.

To me, it’s totally understandable for her to not want to be read as straight when that may not be true; or to want people to know what state that she’s in.

The difficulty, as she so eloquently put it to me, is that: “It’s hard enough for me to come out to people, and then I don’t even know what I’m coming out as!”

Yeah, really, what does one do in a situation like that?

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Also, lately I’ve met a number of people who identify as “fluid”. I only heard the term a few months ago. It’s pretty self-explanatory in its meaning, I think. I was also in a conversation with a female classmate who was pretty much queer, or bi, or whatever, but didn’t identify as anything at all, and didn’t actively broadcast her sexuality, either.

I used to be in a place where my sexuality was little more than a shrug to me – I knew I was queer but didn’t feel the need to address it, or have other people address it, in any way. Now I feel this irresistible desire to claim and proclaim my identity – I want to wear it – I want everyone to see it.

However, I feel like a large portion of my generation largely views sexuality as a shrug, rather than a statement that they need to make. In a way, that’s a good thing – perhaps it implies that we’re moving towards a state of being where nothing needs to be said anymore, because straight is becoming less and less of a “default.”

What do you guys think?

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