Bleh. I haven’t updated for ages, I know. I really wanted to update this blog 3-4 times a week, but that really isn’t going to happen and have to just accept that. For the past few weeks I’ve been applying to internships for the summer, and just set up a vanilla blog about… everything else I’m interested in that isn’t sex. I’m still very self-conscious about blogging under my real name, so it’s a little hard. In any case, I’m still going to dedicate as much time to this blog as I can.

I’ve been in a number of conversations with S about how difficult it is for us to “come out”.

I’m pretty much out (well, to everyone except my dad). I’m out on Facebook, I’m straight with people (haha) if they ask me about it, I give input when I’m in a conversation about queer issues. However, I don’t exactly broadcast my sexuality to all and sundry. With some people, you can just tell by looking at them. I often wish it was easier for people to realize that no, I’m not straight, thanks! – without me having to do anything out of the ordinary for them to get it.

S suffers from a similar problem. She’s gone to Gay-Straight Alliance meetings (everyone assumed she was just representing another organization and was sitting in), she went to the termly queer-women-only party (people thought she was on the guest list by mistake, or was an ally), and she’s involved in the planning with perhaps 5 of our college Pride events. Basically, it’s not until she explicitly spells it out to someone that they get it.

The thing is, she isn’t sure if she’s gay, or even bisexual. She’s questioning.

To me, it’s totally understandable for her to not want to be read as straight when that may not be true; or to want people to know what state that she’s in.

The difficulty, as she so eloquently put it to me, is that: “It’s hard enough for me to come out to people, and then I don’t even know what I’m coming out as!”

Yeah, really, what does one do in a situation like that?

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Also, lately I’ve met a number of people who identify as “fluid”. I only heard the term a few months ago. It’s pretty self-explanatory in its meaning, I think. I was also in a conversation with a female classmate who was pretty much queer, or bi, or whatever, but didn’t identify as anything at all, and didn’t actively broadcast her sexuality, either.

I used to be in a place where my sexuality was little more than a shrug to me – I knew I was queer but didn’t feel the need to address it, or have other people address it, in any way. Now I feel this irresistible desire to claim and proclaim my identity – I want to wear it – I want everyone to see it.

However, I feel like a large portion of my generation largely views sexuality as a shrug, rather than a statement that they need to make. In a way, that’s a good thing – perhaps it implies that we’re moving towards a state of being where nothing needs to be said anymore, because straight is becoming less and less of a “default.”

What do you guys think?

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