If you've been keeping up with my ramblings on my relationship with J, you'll know that I've been going through some trouble figuring out if I could be happy in a closed monogamous relationship. I was concerned about this before we even got together, and initially thought that I should figure it out before starting a relationship with him, but clearly I ended up doing the opposite. I'm not going to say whether I was right or wrong on that count, I think in the long run it would have made little difference, and anyway that isn't the point.

What brought everything to a head and prompted me to finally resolve my feelings was Girl telling me that she was still attracted to me. She said that after we started hooking up, she wanted to start something deeper with me but decided to wait until after she had graduated and had gotten settled down at her new place. (We started sleeping together right before she graduated. Typical.) She knew I had started dating J, and didn't want to jeopardize what I had with him, but wanted to know how I felt about cybering/hooking up with her outside of my relationship with him. I told her I would think about it and talk to J.

All this made me finally pose the question to myself: do I want/need to be in an open/poly relationship? Or not?

Click on the "continue reading" button on the bottom right of this post.

Why I was non-monogamous in the past:

- because everyone else was doing it. Ideally, I wanted to be in a committed relationship, but those were hard to come by. That's college for you.

- because the people I was interested in were already taken, or did not want to be in a relationship with me. So I took what I could get, and got as emotionally and sexually as close to them as I could without actually dating them. Basically, I settled.

- because I wanted sex. Just because I couldn't find someone to date didn't mean I was going to wait uselessly in the meantime. I had needs, people.

When I look at those reasons now, none of them seem like very good ones. I don't regret any of the relationships or trysts I had (well, maybe one or two one-night-stands that I really should not have let happen), and with some of my friends-with-benefits, I managed to have deeper, more fulfilling and more beneficial relationships than I did with people I actually dated.

Of course, people are influenced by their peers and their environment and want to be able to "fit in" with everyone else around them. But I basically trapped myself into a binary, as I often do: I could either find someone to date, or hook up. But there were many other things I could have done, which I actually started doing the few months before I started dating J. I got comfortable with being single. I got off with sex toys and erotica. (Which wasn't the same as the real thing, clearly, but I got off. And bad or emotionally messy or empty hookup v.s. sex toys and smut? The latter is the clear winner.) I could have upped my standards and been celibate until I found someone who wanted to commit to me instead of settling for people who wanted to fuck me and, in some cases, be friends with me. Before I met J, I was readying myself for that, because the one or two people I was hooking up with were just not fulfilling enough anymore, and sex with them just was not worth dealing with their fickleness and inconsistency, and all my negative emotions that went along with that.

Pros for being non-monogamous now:

- sexual diversity. J is very sexually open-minded, but doesn't really have a lot of kinks of his own, so I'd be able to satisfy my kinky side with other people.

- because I am still attracted to Girl (well, and the Optimist, and Sir, for that matter), even though I am in a relationship with J. I've always kind of wondered why I had to give up one intimate relationship for another. It just seems kind of a shame.

- because it's honest, and because I've had bad experiences with other people's dishonesty.

Example 1: I've known quite a few people in closed monogamous relationships who, IMHO, really should not have been. Because they couldn't do it. They loved their partner, sure, they were happy with them, but for whatever reason, be it distance or horniness or craving for sexual experiences, they still slept around, or cybered. Behind their partner's back. I'm ashamed to admit that I actually enabled a couple of those people. Since then, I promised myself to never become one of those assholes who were having their cake and eating it too, at the expense of someone else's happiness and trust. If you can't be exclusively monogamous, then don't fucking do it. Have casual sex, or be in an open relationship, or be poly.

Example 2: my first boyfriend, who I creatively dubbed the Boy, cheated on me right before our relationship ended. We went out in high school, from when I was 17 to about... 19? Our relationship was all in all a happy one, except that the Boy was a huge flirt. Right before high school ended, he told me that he made out with this Japanese girl with big tits he thought was really hot, because she was leaving for home (Japan) the next day and it would be the last time he'd see her. Shortly after that came an outpouring that he had been flirting with and being somewhat sexually intimate with various other girls in our school, too (cuddling, groping, etc).

Interestingly, it wasn't the groping or the kissing that upset me. He told me he loved me and I believed him. So he thought a few girls were hot, so he kissed someone else, so what? It's not like he was going to leave me for one of them. What upset me the most was that he only told me after the fact (though I'm relieved enough that he told me at all). His doing that behind my back made me feel humiliated and stupid. Honestly, if he had approached me about it and said he wanted to mess around with other people? I probably would have been fine with it. Heck, I had crushes on a couple other people at that point, but quashed them because I was already in a happy relationship with him. Maybe I could have done some messing around of my own.

But he didn't say anything.

One of the reasons I broke up with him was because I knew that it was his nature to be a flirt. I didn't want to be in a relationship with him and force him to suppress who he was. I didn't want him to hide himself from me, I wanted to be able to talk to him about his crushes and about what kinds of girls he thought was hot, instead of him hiding that from me. If I couldn't do that with him as a girlfriend, I thought it was probably better that we just be friends.

- because people are naturally non-monogamous. A more cynical rephrasing would be: because people are incapable of being monogamous, which sounds unnecessarily extreme, but it is something I believed for a while. Even if people are in relationships, it doesn't stop them from finding other people attractive or lusting after them. Being monogamous may have its benefits, but ultimately it's an enforced behavior, not a natural one. If it's not in our nature to be monogamous, then why pretend?

Pros for being monogamous now:

- because at this point in my life I need someone who only wants me, who will be devoted to me, and nobody else. When I was sleeping around, I would frequently complain about how inconsistent they were, how fickle. Maybe it's overly idealistic to feel this way, and it's an established belief in poly communities that this isn't possible, but I do want to be somebody else's "one."

- because I'm not emotionally equipped for non-monogamy. At least not now. That may change. But right now, the idea of J sleeping with other people when I'm not involved is very upsetting to me. I'm very insecure, possessive, and jealous. I also don't have good personal boundaries, and I'm not very good at expressing my wants and needs due to fear of disapproval. Yeah, it basically sounds like a cocktail that guarantees poly would not work for me.

- because I don't have the time or the resources. Me and J spend so much time together as it is, how would I be able to sustain another relationship, or several casual sexual relationships, and still have a life? I just want to focus on J right now.

- because it would change the way that J would view me/our relationship. When I spoke to him about it, he told me that I shouldn't look for his approval or his permission but do what I thought was best. I know that if I did sleep around outside of our relationship, it would make him trust me less and think of this relationship in less serious terms. I really don't want that.

- because I don't want to hurt J. Thinking about sleeping with other people just makes me feel guilty and awful. I could go behind his back very easily, considering that most of the people I'm interested in aren't at my college. It would be easy for me to cyber without his knowledge. But I can't bring myself to do that when I know that it would hurt him so much if he ever found out.

- because I don't even really want to sleep with other people in the first place. Besides not wanting to hurt J, when I think about the possibility of sleeping with other people, it just seems weird now. I just have a feeling in my gut that says "no." I can't explain it any better than that, but I've learnt from experience that if I have a gut feeling about something, I should probably follow it.

I think it's pretty obvious what my choice was. But even though the timing wasn't right, I'm glad that Girl told me how she felt.

---

So for now, a poly/open relationship is not for me. I can't tell how much of my wanting to do non-monogamy in the first place was just out of habit. Will that always be the case? I don't know. I don't know if I'll feel the same way in the future. I definitely haven't written it off completely, and I still support it as a possible relationship style.

J thinks that I should decide if I could do poly or not, now. I have decided for right now, and for the near future. But for the rest of my life?

I know some people consider poly part of their identity, and don't think they could be any other way. And I know others who approach it as a fluid thing, shifting depending on what relationship they are in and what they need at the time.

So is poly an orientation, or is it a choice someone makes depending on the circumstances? It can probably be both.

Related posts:

1. Wait, what? Really? Apologies in advance to twitter friends and other friends who...
2. Resolution I think I have a weakness for unattainable men. I...
3. Sharing is Caring; & Working Our Way Up So far, me and J's relationship is going swimmingly. I'm...

Related posts brought to you by Yet Another Related Posts Plugin.

I'm very happy with him - he gives me all the important, emotional things that I need, he's an incredibly intelligent and interesting person, he's absolutely lovely in bed, and I am smitten with him. So, really, complaining about what I'm about to complain about is like saying - "oh yeah, I am in perfect health. I feel on top of the world! ...All except for this one insect bite. I wish it would stop itching." It's even barely worth mentioning. In fact, I'd say that I'm not really complaining because I am in no way discontent with the way things are. This is more of an observation, because my mind does tend to wander to the darker, more twisted places, even when I am happy.

Lately, I've been having fantasies of sharing J with another person. Of course, I know that he would never go for that, so these will stay strictly fantasies - but, because I know that he's bisexual (even though he mostly doesn't act on his attractions to men because of his cultural background), I keep thinking about finding some cute gay/bi man, slim and smooth-skinned, bordering on twink, and J going to bed with him and then coming back to me and telling me all about it. And then having hot, raunchy sex. I've also wondered what would happen if J and one of my old lovers and me all slept together - I think of N, in particular, because the last time we slept together he told me how much he was turned on by fucking me while I sucked another guy's cock... and basically implied that he might be interested in exploring sex with another man.

I've wanted my friends-with-benefits to meet each other and perhaps see if they were attracted to each other, before. The way I see it - I think you're super awesome, and I also think that person is super awesome, so I want the two of you to experience each other's awesomeness! I've also really wanted to tell J about my experiences with Sir - not to make him jealous or to imply that I want him to be more like Sir... but just because I really like Sir and I really like what we did together and I want to share that with J. I probably won't tell him in as much detail as I record here, merely because I don't want him to feel insecure, but I think I will talk to him about it eventually.

This is pretty new to me, especially considering I've bitched so much about past lovers who slept around a lot, in addition to sleeping with me. This is different, though; me and J both know that we are at the forefront of each other's minds and hearts, no one else. And notice that in all the examples I've given, I've had some say or involvement in J's being with other people. Or at least am consulted beforehand, or told about it afterwards. So - not the same thing at all, really.

Like I said, I know that J would never go for this, and I don't actually want it enough to try and push the issue. It's an interesting thing to think about, though.

---

One thing that me and J haven't done much of, but I know might be possible, is SM play. As considerate and concerned with pleasing me as he is, I don't get a submissive/bottommy vibe from him at all. He has also told me that he has no interest in doing that. Which is fine, because I don't want to top him at all, it would just feel wrong/weird. However, he strikes me as the kind of person who would be domineering if he was not as nice as he is. He definitely states his wants and his opinions frankly and without apology, and he enjoys teaching me how to do things...

I've talked to him about some of my interests in SM, and he told me that he finds the idea of spanking me or tying me up pretty hot, but right now he isn't comfortable enough to do any of that. I'm not going to go into detail, but he does have issues with power/abuse.

And, like I said, it's not like I'm not happy with how things currently are. But I do get urges where I really want to engage with power play in some way, and when those urges come, I can't really do very much with them.

This makes me feel pretty selfish. I feel that it's unfair of me to try and get him to do stuff that he has issues with, just because it kinda turns me on, when we have a wonderful sex life already.

I think I might just be unused to being the partner who is more experienced/interested in more things. Before, it was my lovers like K and the Emperor who worked me up to topping them, even though I had never done it before and didn't even know that I was interested in SM at all. And now, instead, I'm in the position where I know I'm into something, and am trying to introduce that thing to someone else.

Obviously, I'm not going to throw everything at him all at once. If I'm going to try this with him, I'm going to work him up to it slowly and gradually. A couple of people have suggested that I start out with asking him to do small things, like perhaps asking him to pinch my nipples harder when he's touching me, or something.

So if anyone has some useful advice on how I should go about this, or if I should be trying to do this at all, it would be very helpful

Related posts:

1. Wait, what? Really? Apologies in advance to twitter friends and other friends who...
2. Baby steps… I've made a decision, of sorts. I want to be...

Related posts brought to you by Yet Another Related Posts Plugin.

via Sarai Woah Photography

So... I have an announcement to make. Of sorts.

I am currently a taken woman.

Yep. That's right. The Heartbreak Nympho is off the market (!)

Nobody could be more surprised than me, I think. It's ironic because I had pretty much written off my senior year as a bust. I'd given up looking for anyone I could possibly date, I'd already exhausted the Zeta Mu pool, and I'm graduating this year anyway so I basically resigned myself to being single until graduation. It hasn't been to bad - I flirted online, hooked up now and again, but with no one new, made out with people on dance floors, got sexually frustrated and lonely now and again, got jealous when the Professional would hook up with other people (seriously, he is the very definition of "slut". His face should be under the word in the dictionary. Which is fine and all, but not when I'm one of the people fucking him, with me being as possessive as I am). Basically, I was comfortably accustomed to, and happy with, being a single woman.

Clearly, this is when life decides to throw a relationship right into my lap.

I first met J when I was a freshman, in passing, but I met him again this term at somebody's room party, since he was there with someone I knew. We said hi, we started talking, and pretty much instantly hit it off. A few days later he sent me this very cute, kind of awkward email asking if I wanted to get coffee. So we did. And then he asked if I wanted to get dinner. So we did. Throughout all of this, it's pretty obvious to me that he has a crush on me, but my feelings are still ambivalent, or rather I'm not expecting very much to come of it, so I just let things flow.

But I began warming up to him. It was pretty difficult not to And then we were in my room watching Old Boy one night (fucking awesome movie, btw. Not really date material, it was my choice though, oopsie, but it's still a great movie) and... things all went downhill from there

I know this sounds like a really, really typical story. Boy meets girl, they go out on a few dates, they solidify the relationship... but you have to believe me, it is such a relief, such a refreshing change, from what I've been experiencing up until now. People don't go on dates at my college. They don't. Me and my friends have bitched to no end about how people are perfectly fine with getting wasted and making out with each other in a frat basement, but if you even so much as attempt to ask someone you like to - gasp! - get dinner with you, suddenly it's super awkward. And, while I've enjoyed the lovers I've had over the past couple years, I really was looking for a "proper" relationship, and instead I experienced all manner of bizarre sexual set-ups. It just gets a bit tiring after a while.

So... basically, me and J are dating now. And I don't think I deserve him on so many levels. He's super intelligent. When we're hanging out and talking the hours whip by. He's one of the nicest, most gentle and considerate guys I've met, and he has been nothing but good to me. (I mean, he cooked for me, for goodness' sake! o.O)

Of course, there is a spanner in the works. (There always is.) Turns out that J is an extremely monogamous person. If you're at all familiar with my blog or tweets at all, it should be pretty obvious to you that I'm... well... not. Right now, my ideal relationship structure would be a deep, intense, committed relationship, but it would be open, with us being free to have casual sex with other people, so long as we communicated everything to each other. I already know that's not going to happen here. I knew this would happen eventually - that I would get into a relationship with someone and I would have to try and reconcile the crazy, exciting sexual journey I've been on with the new relationship: discovering my kinky side, discovering that I'm pretty much polyamorous and could "do" a poly relationship, if I wasn't as insecure and possessive as I currently am. Besides the monogamy question, I have no idea what he thinks about BDSM. I also haven't told him about this blog yet.

How typical that a nice boy like J would end up with a raging pervert like me.

I'd be lying if I said I was super into being monogamous. Just because I'm dating J doesn't mean I don't desire other people. I still do. I'm not one to want to hook up with every random, hot person who crosses my path, but there are at least 1-2 people here who intrigue me and who I would love to sleep with if given the chance. (And it would probably pain me to get that chance now and know that I couldn't take it.) And I still think about trysting with my old lovers, like Girl, and the Optimist, who I might be visiting at some point. (Or not, if I wouldn't be able to control myself...) And giving up my sexual connections with them is a big deal for me.

On the other hand, though, with some of my other lovers, knowing that I can't sleep with them anymore actually lifts pressure off of my shoulders. It's kind of nice to just interact with the Professional and the Scientist, knowing that we're just friends and that I don't have to care whether they hook up with other people or not (as they obviously would. The Scientist is as big of a slut as the Professional is). It's nice socializing with people as friends without my using sex as some kind of social lubricant (ha ha) or way of bonding with them. (More on this later.)

Basically, I don't want to insist on sleeping around when I know it's going to make J upset, or if he isn't going to put up with it. Maybe in the future things will shift more to my liking, but I'm not holding my breath. And for now, I'm going to do things the way he wants to do them. Giving up sexual connections with other people for this, for something I've been wanting for such a long time now, seems like a small price to pay.

This is a big change in my life. But it's a change that I'm very happy with

Related posts:

1. Glimmer There are some people I know who have this special...
2. Stress Remember AR? This new person I've been getting to know...
3. Emancipation Him: you have a problem in one place, so...

Related posts brought to you by Yet Another Related Posts Plugin.

He has spent the last week or so ignoring me. Or, well, at least being very distant and dismissive towards me. He talks to me if I talk to him, but compared to the cordiality we had a couple weeks ago, long late night conversations, and him being warm and greeting me whenever he saw me, this is definitely a drastic change.

I've been obsessing over this for the whole week, trying to figure out what happened, if anything.

I know, I know. I'm probably just wasting my time. Or worrying over nothing. The Professional was being really distant with me at one point and it had nothing to do with me. I'm aware that people have lives and all...

... but still, I'm pretty convinced that this is something unique to me since he's acting pretty much normally around everyone else.

It could be any number of things. I don't know him well enough to guess.

Since it happened right after we hooked up, it could be because he "got what he wanted" from me and then decided I wasn't worth his attention anymore.

Or maybe he feels awkward about it; regrets it.

Or maybe he actually really likes me but is trying to "play it cool" because that's what everyone else does here.

Maybe he's trying to be an asshole because he thinks that will make me more into him (well, I suppose it's working)...

Also, his (now ex) gf recently graduated. Maybe he was just using me to get over her and then realized that it didn't work.

Actually, after we hooked up I started being unnecessarily affectionate/touchy with him - not inappropriately so, but definitely more than before, maybe he didn't like that I was being too clingy.

And, I sent him a random angry email when I got drunk one night. Even though I apologized for it after, and I didn't even say anything specific about him, I was just venting about other stuff, he probably got upset by it or thinks I'm a crazy bitch by now.

And, a few days after we had hooked up, I went ahead and hooked up with the Professional. I'm pretty sure he saw us flirting in Zeta Mu's basement. Maybe he was hurt by that? But I don't even know how serious he was being about me. I'm so used to people here hooking up casually that I don't expect anyone to take things seriously anymore. Plus, just because I hooked up with someone else doesn't mean I'm not into him. I just don't see why I have to stop hooking up with other people when I find someone new to sleep with. And it's not like we even had sex more than once! ...Or even had penetrative sex, for that matter! Or are committed to each other in any way...

Maybe I'm being too greedy?

I mean, clearly I do like him, otherwise I wouldn't be stressing over this so much.

Why do I always fuck things up?

...Maybe I should just talk to the guy.

Related posts:

1. Glimmer There are some people I know who have this special...
2. Emancipation Him: you have a problem in one place, so...

Related posts brought to you by Yet Another Related Posts Plugin.

[via Bend Me Over]

Yesterday, me and my friend AQ were "studying" together - read: procrastinating on our laptops and chatting - and she was telling me about some of the frustrations she was having with her boyfriend.

"I just want to be worshipped," she admitted sheepishly.

She also asked me what my ideal relationship/person would be. I had been discussing something similar with Christopher - we were trying to decide what kind of person I'm typically attracted to. After considering the people I'd been with, we came up with - powerful/in a position of power, charismatic, nerdy, shy, cocky, and capable of bantering. (...)

Really, that doesn't say very much. And as F says, humans prefer to see patterns where patterns might not really exist.

So what do I want?

I want...

I want someone who I can be good friends with.

I want an open relationship.

I want to be in a triad.

I want to be intensely wanted, and shown just how much I'm wanted.

I want to be loved.

I want someone who will clean for me as I stand nonchalantly in the doorway and curtly tell them that they're doing it wrong (when that may or may not be true).

I want someone who I know would be alright with me calling them at 4am if I'm upset. (Even though I might never actually do that, knowing that it would be OK is enough...)

I want space.

I want someone I could spend entire days (and nights) with.

I want someone who will throw me down and fuck me breathless.

I want someone who will tie my hands behind my back, blindfold me, turn me on with their words and then proceed to do what they described.

I want someone who will let me shove them up against a wall and bite, scratch and otherwise mark them.

I want a man who will worship my cock with his mouth and then turn around and let me do him from behind.

I want to exchange teasing, snark and sass that will shift inevitably into flirting and back again.

I want comfortable silence.

I want stimulating conversation.

I want someone with a sexy mind/intellect.

I want to giggle as they perv on other people and not feel any need to be jealous.

I want us to both have other lovers and to be able to talk about it in great detail.

I want androgyny.

I want someone who is strong and impetuous... but gives up control in the bedroom.

I want to be paid attention to.

I want...

Fuck. I don't know what I want, do I?

Related posts:

1. Stress Remember AR? This new person I've been getting to know...
2. Sharing is Caring; & Working Our Way Up So far, me and J's relationship is going swimmingly. I'm...
3. Nonmonogamy -> Monogamy. An orientation, or a choice? If you've been keeping up with my ramblings on...

Related posts brought to you by Yet Another Related Posts Plugin.

This post is password protected. To view it please enter your password below:

Password:

Related posts:

1. Glimmer There are some people I know who have this special...
2. Sharing is Caring; & Working Our Way Up So far, me and J's relationship is going swimmingly. I'm...
3. Stress Remember AR? This new person I've been getting to know...

Related posts brought to you by Yet Another Related Posts Plugin.

This post is password protected. To view it please enter your password below:

Password:

Related posts:

1. Glimmer There are some people I know who have this special...
2. Goddess (Valkyrie): 1/2 [Press Play] You've known her for more than half a...
3. Sharing is Caring; & Working Our Way Up So far, me and J's relationship is going swimmingly. I'm...

Related posts brought to you by Yet Another Related Posts Plugin.

This post is password protected. To view it please enter your password below:

Password:

Related posts:

1. Glimmer There are some people I know who have this special...
2. Sharing is Caring; & Working Our Way Up So far, me and J's relationship is going swimmingly. I'm...

Related posts brought to you by Yet Another Related Posts Plugin.

That night I got kind of tipsy, I sent him a very honest email addressing certain things that I had been wanting to talk to him about since forever, but was too afraid to. One of those things was how I felt as if he wasn't really letting me in:

[Me: Many times I've hung out with you and felt like your mind is somewhere else; or we have sex and you direct me; tell me what to do. And I feel that that's because you don't trust me. But then - maybe you don't trust anyone.

Ironic; because K is one of the most expressive and honest people I know. But being verbally open is one thing, and being non-verbally - or emotionally - open is entirely different.

And he responded that often, for him, he doesn't even know the truth about himself. His ex was one of the only people who could make him be really honest to himself. And while he's still feeling intensely for her, he doesn't seem to have 'space' for anyone else, e.g. me.

I wasn't angry or upset by what he said. I was mostly happy that he told me all of that - at least he trusts me to some extent.

We had spoken his ex a bit, before. After we first hooked up, we pretty much spent every evening and night together the next week, until he had to leave for a two-week long family trip. For me, it was all very confusing. I had no idea what we were doing. I felt as if we were dating - we were acting like we were, but hadn't mentioned 'dating' at all. We did little couple-y things - invited each other to things, hung out with each other's friends, shared drinks when we went out to parties, didn't want to leave without the other, slept over, talked and talked... the list goes on. But something didn't feel right...

When he left, I was able to process everything (I also started hooking up with the Emperor, but that's a story for another time) and decided I needed to ask him what was going on for my own peace of mind. So, when he comes back, he starts acting kind of weird around me, and I come right out and ask him.

Basically, he tells me that he likes me a lot and thinks I'm amazing... but he's still getting over his ex and is afraid of hurting me.

All that time, I had been assuming that I wanted to go out with K... actually, that isn't entirely true. Rather, I should say that whether we're 'dating' or not isn't really all that important to me. 'Love' and 'relationships' are becoming increasingly sketchy concepts to me. Partly because the last few people I've fallen for have not fallen for me back; partly because the last time I actually dated someone was... about a year and a half ago. Since then, I've had several wonderful friends-with-benefits, and while we weren't 'in love' or 'dating', we shared great sex, trust, intimacy, and closeness. What more could I ask for?

I often wished that I was in love with someone who loved me back. But now I'm not so sure that I want that anymore. When you're dating someone you give up a certain autonomy or ownership over yourself - or at least, I do. I tend to be very dependent, and 'immerse' myself in my significant other's life. And while me and my friends-with-benefits were very close... hell, at one point me and the Actor were almost with each other 24/7 - we always had this comfortable head-space. Less sense of obligation. Most of what we did was because we both wanted to, not because we felt like we had to.

I guess that's the definition of 'no strings attached.' Of course, we had certain obligations to each other, like all close friends do. But we weren't part of a 'pair,' like a couple is. I've seen many of my friends who are dating (and been guilty of the same thing) just spend all their time with their significant other just because, until it becomes nothing more than a habit.

I've often read about friends-with-benefits being a bad idea because you risk 'ruining the friendship' but, for me, every time I've had sex with a friend it ended up breaking down barriers and helped us become closer and more comfortable with each other than we already were. I've definitely fallen for a friend who didn't develop feelings for me in return, but... I got over it.

So if I was to date someone and they told me I'd have to give up my friends-with-benefits for them... I would probably say no. (In that case I should just find people who are alright with open relationships =) )

I don't know what's going to happen with K when I get back - all I know is that I care about him, I've felt happy to get to know him, be there for him, and have sex with him, and I hope we can continue doing that.

Related posts:

1. Nonmonogamy -> Monogamy. An orientation, or a choice? If you've been keeping up with my ramblings on...
2. Wait, what? Really? Apologies in advance to twitter friends and other friends who...

Related posts brought to you by Yet Another Related Posts Plugin.